Late Night Thoughts ....

Have you ever just had one of those nights… That no matter how hard you try sleep just doesn’t come…

Well tonight is one of those nights…

I can hear the soft hum of the humidifier and the ceiling fan. The occasional car going down the highway.

I can’t help but wonder what the future holds.

Not only for myself., but for my family and our ministry.

God has placed so many things on my heart I want to see accomplished.

I want to experience Israel with my sweet hubby.

See my girls get married and become moms.

My husbands book wrote and published.

Finish and publish my story. Tell where God has brought me from and where He is taking me.

I pray that all these things and more come to pass.

I want to see our ministry be all the things He has showed my husband…..

I have spent many sleepless nights talking to my Daddy in heaven. All about my dreams my fears. All the the things in between.

I pray for cures of illnesses that change who we are..

I pray I can let Jesus use me in ways I never thought possible. That I grow old with my amazing husband and spend our lives doing what God has called us to do.

I want to have spontaneous road trips to see friends.

Have tea and talk for hours about nothing.

Share Jesus with everyone I meet….

Even as I finish typing this I pray that morning is filled with adventures…

I want to leave behind a legacy of grace and adventures God has set in motion.

Thanks for Stopping By … Hope you all slept well….

Blessings…. Shellie

Grab Some Tea and Lets Catch Up!

It seem hard to believe that August is literally just around the corner! Spring and Summer have came and almost to an end.

I had not intended to be away from my blog for so long. However life has happened. Memories made and milestones have came to pass!

I would like to share some of that with you today and plans for the rest of the year!

May was an extremely busy month for my sweet family.

My oldest Amber graduated from college. With an associates degree in respiratory therapy.

She worked so hard to see her dreams come true we couldn’t be more proud of her accomplishments!

She took the next step of being an adult and moved out into her very first house about 15 minutes away. It’s such a cute little house nestled on a local lake with the most amazing views.

She accepted a job working at Brenner’s  Children’s Hospital in the picu and nicu unit.

She has set out on a new adventure and I can’t wait to see what God has in store for her!

My youngest Christian, also graduated high school with honors just a week after her sister!

We had a joint graduation ceremony with one her close friends!

It was really a cool day for both of them to celebrate such a milestone with each other and close family and friends.

It’s seems odd to think that both of my girls have now graduated high school!

Starting the adventures God has for them!

Christian plans to take some classes at our local community college. She truly has a passion for writing and history. I can’t wait to see where these passions will take her.

Our homeschool is now officially closed and as odd as it is to say… I am now retired … There Is no longer any need for lesson plans and hours of looking for curriculum. It seems so odd really.

May 21, my sweet hubby and I celebrated our 24th wedding anniversary!

We didn’t really do anything big this year. We just spent a quiet day together…

Sometimes that is what’s need more than a fancy getaway!

I honestly can say that quiet date meant more than he could ever know! I am beyond blessed to be married to my best friend !

We finished May our with our last family vacation as a family of four. We rented a beautiful little house at the beach. We spent the week walking the beach watching the waves. Spending evenings laughing and playing games.

We all know in our hearts that the structure of our family is changing. Amber has met a guy who I believe has stolen her heart forever…

I believe, we will be adding new members to our family as time goes.

I learned a few things while on vacation this year ! These lessons have settled on my heart and ministered to me in such a way…

I have held onto this list I journaled to share here…

Even still I have found myself reading back over it weekly reminding myself of these simple things… I hope they inspire you as well!

Beauty is not in the size of your body! It’s in the confidence that you have in yourself.

It’s okay to be proud of your own work
I had personalized a shirt and was complimented... was even told I should ask them and try it on jeans ! At first I was kinda shy about it! The girl told me it looked like it was ment to be that way! I needed to sell my creations! I made me proud to be noticed

It’s okay to stand out and be noticed... I sported a cute spf umbrella as we shopped this week! I didn’t mind the glances lol
I smiled and held my head high because after all a flare free day is worth the glances ! I am pretty sure I am living in the wrong time period!

The best memories don’t cost a dime  


It’s okay to admit that your tired !
you don’t have to run here there and yonder to enjoy time together. Sometimes staying put creates the most laughter .

My favorite kind of shopping is when I find a really good deal
Like $5 shirts

I adore watching sharks play in the ocean
From the pier
Although they a very powerful there is something majestic about how they mysteriously lurk in the ocean

Seeing everyone’s beautiful out side area has made me very excited to continue to work on ours… making our home all that I dream of to be…

It’s okay to dream of having a oasis of your own someday.

Life is short find something everyday to smile about even if you don’t feel like it.

You don’t need to take a picture to of all you do… instead enjoy the moment and the people your with. After all the memories in your mind play back the most beautiful stories!

With all of that being said … we didn’t take a lot of pictures this vacation. Instead we choose to stay off of our phones and enjoyed each other.

I have learned to embrace me. All the changes that has came… I have learned to love myself and not be so hard on the things I can change.

Scales are just numbers …. it can’t measure the beauty of confidence that comes from self love.

Here is the very few pictures we captured while on vacation!

June and July have been just as busy… we celebrated my sweet hubby’s Birthday! I am so thankful for each and every year God gives me him to celebrate!

Our church is growing and doing well. I still love working with the kids each week! I actually choose our Christmas play for this year today ! I know what your thinking! It’s to soon ! I promise you it’s never to early lol!

August will prove to be just as busy!

My hubby will be preaching revival at a one of my best friends church. Her husband is the Pastor of SoundSide Baptist Church.

I am so excited to spend a week with them. Sometimes miles can make you lonely for those who understand your life!

We will be attending a leadership conference 2 weeks after revival in Virginia.

I just hope I can keep up lol!

My health is still very much a yo-yo. I started a biological medicine called benlysta. We have had some good things come from that and some relief shots. My last cardiologist appointment revealed for the first time in two years there is no sign of fluid on the heart. That was a huge answered prayer.

My lupus blood work showed it is stable. I repeat my labs the end of August.

I am being sent to a new lung doctor. In hopes of understanding why I can’t breathe when I try to lay back to sleep and experience pain. We are hoping to find answers.

I am thankful for the adjustable bed. I just miss sleeping with my husband!

All though we have had some huge milestones! I have had several hard bumps along the way. I have had bronchitis, severe fatigue, I had to have oral surgery, and I learned that my gums are extremely inflamed. I am not able to be out in the direct sunlight without precautions. The sun and heat send my lupus into severe flare every time! All though I have found ways to enjoy the summer , I have to be very careful. This is just a few things. We haven’t stopped praying and believing that it is going to get better. We just need more time….

This leads me to what is I store for my blog in the coming months!

Now that I won’t be planning for school in the fall! I will have lots of time to commit to my blog and writing. I really hope to be able to devote time to finishing some short stories I started and a book I have been working on. I also have gained a brand new sewing and craft room. When my oldest moved out. So I am excited to get back into sewing and crafting. Christmas will be here soon and I would love to make some homemade gifts this year!

I was able to do some sewing before my oral surgery ! Here are some snapshots of what have been working on!

I still love to sew doll clothes the very best. My sweet little princess at church has a Birthday soon and her wellie wishers needed a new dresses! I also gave sewing for newborns a try!

I have missed sharing with you guys …. Again I am sorry for the absence… it really has been a very busy season! I look forward to being back and catching up!

Thank you for stopping by and sharing apart of your day with me !

Blessings and Prayers …. Shellie

Sometime the Answer is Wait A Little Longer

One of the hardest things I struggle with is waiting for something! Anticipation gets me every single time lol.

Waiting for health answers is no exception to this struggle.

For those of you who have followed my story knows for 2 years now I have been on a wild roller coaster ride! 

As much as I wish I could say that we are nearing the end of the ride. I think it has kicked up a notch is on its own tail spin! 

We have sought out a new rheumatologist. She is great, I really like her and she is determined to figure out whats going on.

One piece of the puzzle she feels certain about is she believes I rheumatoid arthritis.

We also have had a very slight positive to lupus.

We are still waiting on the last batch of blood work. 

We did finally convince the the cardiologist to allow her to give a very low dose of a steroid to get the flare under control so I can enjoy the holidays.

Its way to early to see if that's gonna happen.

I pray it does !
A couple weeks back I was treated for bronchitis .

As I was beginning to finish the antibiotic.

I noticed something was very wrong when I laid down at night. The pain in my chest was very intense and I had began to have a very difficult time breathing. I shook it off at first.However when I noticed a change in my weight a drastic change ! I realized I was holding a lot of fluid. 

So I followed protocol and used a  dose of lasix . That's where the tricky part came into play. As long as I was using lasix I felt better. Then on night I gained 7 lbs and the chest pain woke me from my sleep.

So I called my cardiologist, and the ordered a echo of my heart Tuesday. Wednesday evening when I seen their number on my phone I knew what I already didn't want to be. I have a small pericardial effusion again.

The problem is my body is so inflamed that if we don't soon figure out what the cause is it could grow into a large effusion that would result into another major heart surgery.

The last time this was talked about the cardiologist said we would probably just need to remove the pericardil sac from around the heart if another effusion prompted surgery. 

So I need your help! The cardiologist wants to give it three months.

To see if it grows or stays the same. Also he is hoping during this time that the the rheumo. can put the pieces of the puzzle together and get my body in the healing direction!

Please help us pray that is the case.

I know Gods timing is perfect .

Its just a chapter of my story, I have learned to lean completely on Him.

I know He will show up! 

So over the next few months if you think about please lift me up in prayers! My family as well! I really hate to see them worried...

Thank you ahead of time for the prayers and stopping by! 

Blessings, Shellie   

Let her play .....

                      

     

    I miss the soft pitter patter of feet on the floor in the morning, the countless hours of playing barbies and babies, sewing for hours for A life of Faith , setting up Barbie and doll houses ... Playing for hours and most of all planning and having tea!

        My girls are teens now and for the most part these days have ended ....'now don't take me wrong we have plenty of fun now, in just a different way !

    Being a Mom is the third best gift God could have ever given to me ... My #1 gift is salvation and my #2 is my sweet hubby! Being a Mom has brought so much joy to my life! I actually can not wait till the time  to be lil granny in real life you know 50yrs down the road! Hehe.....

      For want ever reason I woke up this morning and this thought was so strongly on my heart ..... It was Imporant you taught them to Play and even more Imporant to teach the Boundries .... 

    That very moment I felt like God said you weren't a bad Mom when everyone else was putting there dolls away and trading them in at 10 for make-up and cell phones .... Instead I insisted cell phones waited till 14-15 and make- up no earlier than 13...

       I monitored t.v time, what books they read, who their friends were, what they looked at on the Internet..... I wanted to keep them safe and teach them the importance of acting their age and enjoying the easy years.... Adulting is hard ..... I don't always want to be one lol... Five sounds like a perfect age ... Naps playing all day... You know the easy stuff lol.... However I am thankful that God allowed me to be a Mom....

    Now that they are older I find myself protecting them from even more than ever in a more serious manner.... I want them to,save themselves for marriage, choose wise friends, Pray God would lead them to The One He created just for her !!!! I want them to have a strong relationship with God , to know what He says is right and wrong! Trust me this world is not where I want them getting that info from... I want them to pray about what God has called them to do..... The list goes on for days I promise .... Are they perfect nope ... Are they going to make mistakes...YES ! Even though neither of them have ever done anything to horribly bad .... I realize this world has a lot more pressures for them as teens and young adults than there ever was when I was a kid ! I want them to know they can ask me anything! Tell me anything! Am I always gonna like it .... Ummm.... Nope, however I am sure Gods not always to happy with me either .... He never turns me away.... I recently heard a story of how when a young man was young he messed up,and the church and his family turned their backs on them... Now let me make this clear ! My kids have not done anything to prompt this blog post ! It's just what God laid on my heart ...

     I am a Pastors wife .... I honestly could never turn my back on some one because they sinned! Not now anyways .... I can remember being apart of a movement years ago you must look  and act a certain way or God wouldn't love you .... I am so glad God removed those blinders from my eyes ! He saved me washed dirty ole me up and loves me !!!! If He can do that for me ! He can and will for anyone who ask ! The problem is we have lost a whole generation because, we set our standard so high even for our children we have bacame unapproachable ..... Ohh my..... What if God was that way? 

    I'm so glad He isn't .... So as I prayed this morning .... In my heart I felt Him reminding me ....my our doing good at this Mom thing ! Your not perfect.... 

I thought for a moment and asked myself do my kids know they can tell me anything and know that they are always loved , always have a home, and always forgiven ..... Dad reminded me yes .... They do because right after heart surgery Jody and yourself set down and told them that.... 

       My oldest is 20 and my youngest now 16.... Some advice from a seasoned Mom.... It's Imporant she play's and is taught to be a kid and it's just as Imporant to teach them to be healthy teens, in their hearts minds and relationships .... Practice talking about the hard stuff... You want those talks to come from you not the world... You know the one I am thinking about .... Why it's important to save yourself for marriage .... Have an open rule you can go through their phone and computer .... Be sure to actually do it.... They may not tell you this right now! But they will love you for it in the end I promise ! Just remember this the Bible says this ....

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old he will not depart from it!

Moms you do the training don't let the world be their influence ....

 Praying for all of you ! Hope you have an amazing weekend ! 💜Shellie

Time for War

                      

Let's go to battle ! I had the honor and privilege to attend church this today !!!! I haven't yet returned to children's ministry, so I had the honor of attending worship up stairs !!! Ohh my and was it worth every ounce of energy and pushing myself to get there! The Pastor spoke today on the subject it's time for war! Ohh my was it amazing , but I must say it was for me !!! I have came to realize just a few days ago I am in a spiritual battle ! That is affecting my physical body! Devil would love for me to give up and quit fighting and proclaiming Gods promises .... Hate to tell him ... Not today or any day for that matter !!!! I have the letters from the King that proclaim my healing !!!! The Bible ! And guess what it can't lie .... 

   I don't know when that complete healing is coming ..... I just know it is and I will not stop proclaiming it and praising My Dad God for it !!! Not now not ever ! 

    I may have to be rolled in a wheel chair for now, but I will walk long distances again! My lungs will function properly again ! My heart will function properly again ! I know because My Dad (Jesus) has already revealed it in my spirit .... I love how He does stuff like that ! I have already given my shout of victory !!!! So what are you facing? Are you in a battle ? Please know God love you and He's got your victory He just wants you to stand until He gives the word !!!! Stand still and wait on Him ! It will be worth it !lean on the Lord when it's hard to stand He will give you strength to stand I promise !!! I'm praying for you this week coming ! I don't have to know your name cause God already does ! Praying your blessed this week !!!!! Thanks for stopping by !

I wanna always call out to my Jesus !

I have been reading the most amazing book by Beth Moore ! It's about David and the anointing God had placed on his life ... I ah e came to learn that the more God used David the more David faced! He was hunted down by a crazy man, hid away in a cave , all along he was separated from the womN he loves and his family .... Yet David never lost his focus on God ! 

             I want to be just like that .... No matter the adversary I may face I still want to shout out to Jesus and know He is there and He loves me ... I want to call out to Him even when I don't feel strong enough ! I have found over the past few weeks my favorite time to read my Bible and pray is when I wake up in the middle of the night in pain.... Jesus calms my body much faster than another round of pain medicine.... 

        I know in my heart not being able to walk very far is temporary ... I know I have been healed by the Word of God, I'm just waiting for my change!!! Yet this time last year if someone would have told me I would be planning to attend a  Women of Joy Confrence in Pigioen Forge Tn. In a wheelchair I would have told them they were crazy. Yet my God knew, I heard an amazing speaker Kathrine Wolfe tell her story last year on stage in a wheel chair ! Her story inspired me beyond words, now more than ever.... That no matter what God wants to use you ! He wants you to work for Him !!! 

    I have said from the time I woke up I wasn't missing this trip! I know it's ment for me in more than one way ! I know my new me for now has to strike fear to the ones I will be with.... I don't want to be a burden at the same time I don't want to miss my blessing ! I know God has great and mighty plans for me !!! 

    So instead of concentrating on the negatives, I am finding the positives .... Lifting any concern I have in prayers to the Lord .... I know He I has already gone before me and he's got this !!! I'm don't really know for sure who all reads my blogs.... I kinda like it that way lol.... But I would like to encourage you to get out of your comfort zone and reach out to someone who is different than you .... Remind them that just because they are different that You love them for who God has created them to be know matter what makes them different ... I have always taught my children to love everyone no matter who they were and to show kindness... Go out of your way to show them that despite of what they are facing they are still very much apart of the world they live in ... They just get to experience it in a different way than you ! I love my Jesus and I am thankful for every trial I have faced for its made who I am.... I want to be like David constantly calling on my Dad know matter what's going on in my life !!! I know He's just waiting for me to call out so He can remind me He's got it ....

Because God is not the Author of destruction ..., so He's not trying to destroy me!

God will repay evil done to me !

My hope must be in God !

No matter how bad things look, God is good !!!!!

Friends....

   

                      

Wow today has been a big day ... I may or may not have over did it .... I still can not walk a long distance .... That's okay it's coming... It is, My God has my miracle! I am praising Him for it ! 

     I have managed to stand in the kitchen and prepare breakfast, lunch, and supervise supper! By the time supper came along well my legs were so week and my breathing labored.... So I had to set... And we'll ask for help! So my two helpers my youngest and my daughter from another Mommy prepared dinner for our family tonight ! They did amazing! I am so proud of these girls, there really is a difference in homeschool kids... I know I am partial, however they are so eager to learn and help ! 

       We have decided today I may need to see a cardioigist ! So my hubby will make the call tomorrow! My foot is swelling more, tingly, and still really cold ... All though my breathing is some better I am still having chest pains. So I will keep you updated ! 

   So to the subject of the title for my blog today ! I have met many people over the years ! Many friends come and gone.... Some have stayed through thick and thin and I thank you for that! Then you have the new ones Gods has placed in your life ! I must say when we packed up a up haul and moved back to our home town a two years ago we came broken.... We knew we were in Gods complete and total will! We were doing exactly as God told us and stepped out on total faith ! When we arrived and were voted in as the new Pastors family 2wks later of Dunn's Mountain Baptist Church. I must say I went in guarded and not sure I would ever let any one breach the the walls, I had put around my heart .... I had been hurt and wasn't sure I wanted to allow some one else into my small circle of friends !!! 

I really wasn't sure I could allow my heart to be hurt again!

     Just let me say , I am so very glad God placed the amazing ladies in my life that He has, and that He opened my heart at all the right times ! I have made some amazing connections here . Some are like sisters, some are like my bestie here, and some are friends that can't be replaced. These ladies have impacted my heart so very much ! Now let me say this I am not in the business of replacing friends! If your my bestie at any point you always hold that place in my heart ! I truly believe God sends who we need for every season of our life ! That is very true for today as well ! The friends I have made here are amazing ! They have called, texted ,visited , and most importantly prayed for me! Even just today I had an amazing surprise visit ... It want expected and I adored every moment of it! That's medicine for the soul! I am so thankful for it.... 

     We all need a friend someone who knows the story of our hearts, who can cry with, laugh with, someone who hold us accountable, and most importantly love and pray for us..... 

    There have been seasons I haven't had a friends because needed me to need just my family... Then there are those times that I have had friends and my children have not or vise versa .... I have found no matter what season , My Dad (Jesus) cared and sent what each of us needed at just the time we needed them most ! Just like today ... I needed that surprise visit ... It was medicine for the soul... It lifted my spirits in more than one way !!! So tonight I want to thank Jesus for all my friends !!! Some hold a very special place in my heart they know the me that some never know! I am so blessed to have that!!! I want you each to know you are some of the most beautiful flowers in my life's garden and I'm so very thankful for you .... I love you beyond words, and I pray for you often! 

I would like to close with this scripture from the Word of God tonight :

A friend loveth at all times, Proverbs 17:17King James Version (KJV)

Thank you for stopping by ... I am praying for each of you ... I hope you have a blessed evening .... Be sure you tell those who are special to you that you love them! 

Not what I wanted to hear....

    

                                    

Today has been a long eventful day again ... After the returning of the fever and excruciating pain my hubby made a Drs appointment for today... I tried to argue but well it didn't do any good at all... 

 I didn't figure the news would be exactly what I wanted to hear ... But I wasn't prepared for what he had to say either... So the fever, excruciating pain when I breathe, severe shortness of breathe, and fatigue are coming from the heart condition pericarditis .... So we added two more medicines to the growing list. Then my sweet dr told me this wasn't going away anytime soon ... If I don't have any improvements in 7 days I will need to see a cardiologist ! We are looking at the end of May before we know just what to expect from my heart.... 

    That's not what a 38 active women wants to hear.... I have lost all quality of life .... Since March first... Well life as I knew it is better fitting ... Tomorrow will mark one month exactly ! 

So as I have looked back over this month these are the things I have learned from all this ....

 Positivity is a must ... There is no room for negative thoughts ! My faith has grown even more because I know God has got this ! Goals are ment to be set and not met .... That's okay because some goals are just going to take a lil longer ! I am stronger than I give myself credit for.... I need my family on so many levels! I have the most most amazing husband and daughters in all the world!!! I can live in a one room apartment ! I have for a month now lol! However I do miss the big house .... It's okay to ask for help, it's not a sign of weakness it's actually a strength, I have grown so much closer to God ! Not all Drs are bad ! I still prefer natural medicine over modern but sometimes you need both.... I can be real creative on how to pass time when you are confined to one area all day! That I really do need coffee in my life in more way than one lol .... That no matter what the outcome Gods got this ! He is in control.... I have to take each day as it comes wether it's a easy or hard day .... 

Thats just some of my lessons .... I am sure by the time May gets here that list will surly have grown ... 

Even though I still understand why all this is happened ... As long as Hod gets glory that's all that matters .... So I will leave with scripture tonight ..... 

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Jeremiah 29:1 (KJV)

I am so glad He does.... Praying you have a blessed night .... Thanks for sharing this journey with me !

Taking a break !

   

                                    

Wow ! Sorry I missed a day and I'm so late posting !!!! The past two days have not been my best .... Yesterday was not good all day and left me nauseous from pain ... Woke up even today ! I have started running a fever again and to take a breathe causes excruciating pain .... So I will be going back to the doctor tomorrow ! 

    However last night I woke up several times and so I took that time to talk to my Jesus !!! During our talks, He revealed somethings to me ... Some was not easy to swallow ... Like how much time I spent on social media ... When I could be spending that time with Him... So I decided today to take a 21day social media fast ... Then I will go from there.... I have spent the time today I would have spent on social media reading a book! I loved every minute of it! Then I this evening I spent some time in Gods word and writing in my prayer journal ... I was so pleased with how much time I spent with the Lord today! I am super excited about how much I can grow and come to know my Jesus more! 

   He even reminded me myself worth is not found in my circumstance or others .... His change for me is coming I just have to trust Him! I won't lie my feelings had gotten kinda hurt some of the one I thought would keep in touch with me through all of this I haven't heard a word from.... Jesus reminded me that some people are only ment for a season.... Quit trying to keep what He has already closed the door on ... So I released those people to Him ....I love when the Lord already starts to heal ... What I feel is broken .... 

   My God is so amazing and so worthy of all my praise ! 

Well guys , my medicine is starting to kick in so , it is time to take of me and go to bed ! Thanks for stopping by ! I hope you all sleep well tonight and have a blessed day tomorrow !!!! 

 

Realities

    

                                                                              

                                        

Today has been an okay day .... I have felt very wiped out .... No real game changing activities today, to cause such a change.... I just don't feel good. Don't worry I haven't given up on my goals though! They are important ! I just haven't worked on all of them lol. 

I did start the morning with a very sweet visit with one of my dearest and closest friends and her princess! That's medicine for the heart and soul! It was just nice to have all that energy around me for a few hours! Her lil princess snuggled up on the chase with me and whispered about Disney, princesses, and babies! My favorites !!! She made me smile ! Today was a day of some realities though.... I had to get honest with myself with the limitations I am facing at the moment. It's the week before my youngest 16th Birthday ! Tomorrow I should be hosting a Once Upon A Time Formal Sweet 16 Birthday Ball! The plans are to die for and a dream any princess would love to have.... We had to cancel our initial date and try to reschedule... When we first rescheduled I just new things would have been more progressed than has ... I realized today that we will now have to put her ball off till Summer ....Now she is totally okay with this ... She has told me repeatedly all that matters is that I get better... My Mommy heart is not liking this... Birthdays have always been a grand celebration in our home.... 

It's just a new hurdle for me to wrap around my heart and mind. As I spent sometime in prayer earlier God reminded me all things will come in time.... He makes no mistakes in any delay.... Easter is also around the corner Reserection Sunday and Christmas are my favorite holidays !!! They mean so very much to me! I dawned on me I am not prepared for that either. I am not even sure I will be able to attend church Easter. My pastors wife's heart is having a hard time with that! I need to be there! I'm missing my lil people at church. So today I am reminded to take a deep breathe its temporary. God makes no mistakes . It will be okay in the end! My heart is going to have to allow others help do what I do! Knowing they can do it just as well as I can... 

So today's blog may not be as up beat as the others but, I promised to share my heart and my journey with you... This is where my journey is today.... I am trusting the Lord tomorrow will be better ... For He knows what my heart has need of .... So I will praise Him in the hallway for He is good !!!!

I will close today with this scripture ! It is fitting ... It was from my devotion this morning... Gods timing is perfect! 

 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. 

Matthew 6:34 ESV 

Trying to Understand ......

It's been awhile since I blogged .... Life seems to keep me at a very face pace most days.... Leaving little time for blog post .... I have missed it! I have found myself with more time than I know what do with at the moment. 

On December 26,2015 I fell at the end of our driveway. I was trying to help my sweet hubby out, by pulling the trash can to the end of the drive way ! I hit a mud puddle and went flying ! I promise if someone seen they got the laugh of their life! I sprang my ankle and I really thought I had only sprang my knee. When almost a month went by and my ankle got better and my knee was worse. It lead to a series of doctors appointments. We would learn I had scuffed the cartilage on the outer part of the bone and knee cap causing rivets .... Also kinda cause a lil jagged edge to my meniscus. It would require a 20 minute arthroscopy to correct a few weeks to recover and I could return to a normal life with out crutches ! Ohh how I could not wait to ditch the crutches ! Even with all of that life was still constantly busy... As a pastors family comes with lots of demands and lots of trials of everyday life.... I was ready to not have to depend on my whole family to help me out with all they all ready had on their own plates ! I am one of those people who love to help others ! In the same token I struggle with asking for help ! 

It's crazy how things can change in the blink of an eye! The things we struggle with become what we need most ! 

On March 1,2016 I checked into out patient surgery for a knee repair. When I woke up from recovery my whole world had been turned upside down! During surgery I aspirated stomach acid into my left lung ! Causing chemical burns to my lung and my esophagus, I also suffered an injury to my heart causing pericarditis fluid on my heart. I haven't had a voice since I woke up beyond a whisper. I spent 7 days in the hospital! My small knee injury repair just turned into a nightmare. I will be the first to tell you My God Makes NO MISTAKES!!!! He will will give beauty for the ashes! So that's why I want to share this journey with you ! I do not want self pity or anyone to feel sorry for me ! My whole life as I knew it is changed at the moment ! I know it's temporary! But nothing is the same ! I am currently staying in our apartment that is attached to our home! I sleep setting straight up on a chase because my breathing is severely affected and I constantly feel like I am suffocating, I walk with the assistance of a walker and can only go a very short distance. Before my I am gasping for air, the fluid on my heart causes extreme chest pain, I need assistance having a shower, I have to set in a chair and it takes every ounce of strength I have ! My family has taken on all the things in our home I normally take care of ! We have had such an out pouring of love for my family through this !!! Our church has helped with meals, they have visited,called texted and made sure we have been taken care of. Not to mention our own family and friends who have been there !!!! One of the hardest things for me to hand off is my ministry work with the the kids ! I know it's okay thought because they are in very capable hands !!! Like I said my world I know it has changed entirely.... 

Now my list of things to get done for my family and church are scheduled Drs appointments. Keeping up with medicines. Waiting patiently for my change to come !

So I would like to keep a blog of Gods goodness through all of this ! I want others to know that even when we don't understand , God has a plan !!!! 

Today I want to share how this will forever change the way I see my husband !!!! As every marriage we have our fights! We are normal... These past few months had been a lil bumpy for us... But we were okay.... As a wife we all have to admit we take our husbands and our marriages for granted at times ! We are all guilty! Jody is an amazing man of God ! I am beyond proud to be his wife! I have already seen God use this to strengthen our marriage beyond words! Petty things that we think are so important are no longer that important! Like a spotless house, everything in order in life and ministry, the things that aren't even important enough to list. When tragedy happens all of that no longer is important. Instead the man who never left your bedside,still hasn't by the way ! He slept in the recliner at the hospital and sleeps on the couch beside the chase every night to make sure he can hear me if I need him ! He helps me bathe, dress, waits on my every need. Never once has he complained! Even when I can see he is so tired he can hardly go, he never complains! He's my king ladies !!! I have seen the love of Jesus through this man in so many ways ! He prays with me encourages me !!! Reminds me that no matter what it's okay Gods got this! I am reminded every time I look at him our love is so much more than what you can see. It does not matter if everything is falling apart around me Gods love and Jody's love makes what seem impossible possible !!!! I am so blessed to call this man mine ! I will close today's blog with a few lyrics from a song my sweet hubby shared with me before he had to return to work today.... I could tell it was a struggle for him to decide on what was best for him to do ! My sweet girls are looking after their Mom while he has to be gone ! However before he left he shared this song he heard last night while listening to TD Jakes... After we listened to it together and silent tears fell.... He joined me on the chase and wrapped his arms around me and prayed with me! These words are my testimony !!!! I will praise God in the hallway till I see it come to pass then I will shout it for all to hear! "Yes I am healed by the WORD of GOD! It's already done! I'm just waiting for my change to 

come!" 

God created Jody and I for each other !!! He made no mistake! Be sure to let your hubby know you love and appreciate him 💕

So if you think about it lift my family up in prayer ! Gods got this!