It's Me Again Daddy

Have you felt like that when you begin to talk to your Daddy (God), He feels like oh my word it's Shellie again. 

I know He doesn't, But the fleshly side of me feels that way and often keeps me from going to Him immediately!

The sad thing is it is actually the enemy's way of putting distance between you and the one who loves you the most.

During my battle with Lupus in the beginning before we had a name for what was going on. I truly felt this way! I felt like my prayers  were just hitting the ceiling.

When we give into that thinking. We label ourselves as unloved and unworthy of the prayer we need answered and heard. 

There is good news though , even though I labeled myself and think He is ignoring me! He isn't and the only label He has for me is daughter and loved!

I find myself thinking that He isn't ever going to answer my prayer. 

Satan tried to use these moments to try to keep me from clinging to God's promises in His Word.If he can distract me from the truth. He can weaken my relationship. I would like to say I have never given into those tricks. I would be lying if I did though. It's easy to fall into that trap when we are wallering in self pity, poor pitiful me, I am not loved trap.

When we do fall into that we forget that our Daddy's time and answers are not on my timing but His! 

We literally prayed for a year for a name for all the crazy my body was going through! 2 major heart surgeries, major lung surgery, lung damage,  on again off again fluid on the heart, weird rashes, fevers, and body aches. This was my new life and I wanted nothing more than to be healed. To feel like I did before all of this! I was during this time I would start a prayer off with It's me again Daddy, Shellie! I don't mean to aggravate you but ....

Now I can laugh about it! Then I could not... I really thought maybe I was getting on His nerves and therefore He was ignoring me. Kinda like I would ignore my girls when they were toddlers and had temper tantrums for no good reason.

Now I know it just wasn't His timing yet and He answered and well it wasn't the answer I prayed for. I prayed for complete healing for life to return to the way it was before I fell and hurt my knee.

His answer was no and we got a name for the crazy!

As the quote below states I am not a halfway believe God can kinda faith! I am either all in or where did I put my faith?

 I sometimes have to remind myself where my faith is and where it should be.

We are all in limbo with something. Whether it is our health, our finances, school situations, friendships, relationships, our kids, marriages. This list could go on.

This virus has presented us with lots of obstacles. Where are we placing our faith at even though we may feel He isn't answering! I am not sure if you have noticed though. He has answered prayers that you at have forgotten about praying. You felt like it's me Daddy .... 

How many of us prayed for more quality family time! Time to be at home so you can focus on what it needs. Time to just rest. Time to work on that hobby you never had time for again. Maybe you needed extra time with your hubby! Now you have all of these things. God heard our prayers we have these things! So if you are praying for something now and you feel like your aggravating our Daddy. He's not aggravated or ignoring you. He is waiting on His perfect timing to answer!

He's waiting for the perfect time for His child. Don't take His silence for a time to fall away. Rather use it as a time to get much closer. Because whatever His answer is whether it be yes or no your gonna need Him to guide you.

I never thought the answer would be no and I would get a name for all the crazy instead. I would trade a life like most people's that is not even close to anything I could ever imagine. Still I would never change and minute of it,  but I would have changed some of how I waited for it!

King David while writing the Psalms called out to God many times to let things change. Time and Time again Gods answer wasn't what he thought would be! He lived in a cave with his army for months before He was announced as  King! He didn't go straight from being a Shepherd to being a KING all at once there was a process and making of Gods man.

God is making each of us who He needs you to be! He is priming you to do what He created you to do! He have you a story to tell and He is preparing you to tell it. He's preparing your to mentor that friend you see struggling. He wants to take you to high places. You have to be willing to accept his answer of yes or no!

I can't thank you enough for choosing to stop buy and spend some time with me! Time is precious and a gift I don't take lightly! I pray you and your family have a safe and beautiful weekend!

Prayerfully Yours ~Shellie~

Just Some Evening Ramblings

Last night was the first night of real sleep, I have had in a really long time. It felt wonderful to wake up feeling refreshed like that. My pain is still not controlled... That's okay I know that this girl wont get everything I want in one day! I know it is a matter of the right cocktail. That can be the hardest part... I don't want to feel out of this world all the time... I want to be connected. We are trying to get me some new wheels to help me around the house! By new wheels I mean a walker! I plan to dress that bad boy up and make it fun if I need to use it! After all I have to keep the joy in this journey. Today has been a long and hard day. I did make it outside for the first time to set on the patio. The fresh air was amazing. I hope that I can try again tomorrow. The weather here is changing. I can literally feel it in my joints. Rain must be on the way... 
   I want to encourage anyone who is in a season of change. I know how hard it can be. My heart is heavy for you! Just remember we get to decide how we deal with it ! We can be bitter or find a reason to be happy! Today I choose happy! I choose hope that tomorrow will be better than today! My daughter sent me a picture this morning from her early adventure out with our puppy... 
      Her caption was Mom this is God's reminder your just blooming for what is coming next....

 It honestly brought tears to my eyes ... My 19 year old was ministering to me this morning! It made my Momma heart so very proud! My sweet hubby gave me a very precious gift today! I don't take it lightly... I have a really hard time with anything of weight on my legs. That's one of the things that holds me back from my writing and blogging. My laptop kills my legs. I have to spend a lot of time on my bed and couch. So I would have to hold my laptop on my legs and by the time I would be done. I would be so miserable I could barely walk! This afternoon he came in with a 2 pound chromebook. Oh it is amazing ! I have been able to hold it ! I have started a new story and wrote a blog post for tonight! I am thankful for the blessings of each day! I am even more thankful for a gift that will allow me to do something I am passionate about! I pray each of you who reads this has a wonderful day tomorrow! I most likely wont make a new post tomorrow is doctors office day! I will be totally wiped out by the time they are done with me! I am praying for you!  Please continue to pray for me! Also my sweet girl has a ultrasound on her breast in the morning! Please help us pray this is nothing to be concerned about! We know God has got this... He is good Father! I am so blessed to be His!

Home Sweet Home

 

It is so hard to believe I have been home a week after a 23 day hospital stay... I have learned so much about myself and my faith through this journey! 
    I don't want to put a mask on and sugar coat this for myself or those who read this! Because my prayer is this blog will grow and reach so many for Jesus! Here is the ugly truth! This is scary! I feel like my life could change in a split second and be gone like a vapor... In all honesty that is the my new reality! It is a hard pill to swallow some mornings. I have a rare condition caused by my SLE Lupus. Constrictive Pericarditis. It is where the sack around the heart becomes thick from small pericardial effusions (fluid around the heart). It can become so thick it can constrict the heart from pumping and functioning properly. Resulting in cardiac arrest. There is only one cure for some one like me. If mine would get any worse is a very dangerous surgery. I have a lot of questions and decisions to make if I even want to consider that all.
  I want quality of like not quantity. I want to enjoy the things I love! I don't say these things for pity... I say because I want to share this thing called life with you and all the things I love along the way! I want to love this journey even on the hard days with joy! I want to be apologetically me. A childhood abuse survivor, satanic ritual abuse survivor, a Jesus loving born again pastors wife, children's ministry administrator, doll loving, aspiring author, wife, mom, blogger, lupus warrior, curvy girl who aspires to love her body and all its scars! 
   I know that is a lot but its what I want! I want to share the good bad and the ugly! today is the ugly for sure! I had a horrible night. With pain that had me bent over my bed. With nausea, diarrhea, nausea, soaking sweats, and no sleep! Today the pain is semi controlled on scale from 1-10. It is most defiantly a 9. This is my new life. This pain trying to regain my stamina to walk again. So wheelchair is my new ride outside my home! Today sucks! But I am so determined  to find joy in this day somewhere! So I am thankful for all 17 meds I take that starts my day and the very strong pain medicine I us to try to have a life! I thankful for the wooden t.v stand holding my lap top so the weight isn't bearing on my legs that are week and hurt! I am rocking pig tail braids and one of my favorite mickey mouse gowns! Munching on some trail mix! With my new favorite American Girl doll hanging out on my couch beside me ! As she is there to help inspire a new Mission Hope Girls story. If you want to follow along with my doll crafts and stories help me grow my audience there follow my Once Upon A Stitch In Time blog! Just click the link! Be sure to leave me a comment so I know you stopped by! Once Upon A Stitch In Time
          Today I am reminded to count it all joy! I am in awe of Gods love for me! All though my life has been totally turned upside down again! It really could be worse! I hope to try to blog a little each day! I want to share Gods grace with each of you! It may be first thing in the morning with an amazing cup of coffee, mid day after an exhausting shower lol, or in the very middle of the night while I can't sleep.
   I am thankful for you if you stopped by! I am still off social media for a few more days! But when my lent fast is over I am going to be sharing my blog link on my Instagram when I update! I hope you will help me share it! After all you never know when your story will inspire someone else to keep going! I hope you will leave me comment below after you are done with your visit today ! I wan to know you have been here so I can thank Jesus for you and pray for you! So let me with something to chuckle at ! A 42 year old young at heart adult rocking pigtail braids, butterfly rash on my cheeks, and mickey mouse gown, with my favorite mickey gown sipping on flavored water! I feel like a 5 year old kid who has missed school hanging on the couch having a sick day! Maybe I can get my way and get some dairy queen later lol! Thanks for spending some of your day with me today ! I pray the blesses you and you have a wonderful day!
                                                     Prayerfully Yours ~ Shellie ~

Morning Worship At Home

We are not but a couple of weeks in to 2019, and my body has had a horrible time. I am so thankful to know my glorified body will not have lupus !!!

I hate missing church more than anything! 

There is something special about coming together with believers to worship!

I know every Sunday will not be like this! So when I knew I would have to opt to stay home to let my body heal and get better. I determined to worship at home with my church family and in my alone time with my heavenly Daddy.

So I grabbed my favorite coffee mug and began live stream with my church family! You know there are days I would love more than anything not to have the technology we have today. I think in some ways it robs us from what is in front of us.

Today I am reminded of hat a blessing it is to be apart of our church service even when I can not be there!

I woke this morning determined not to miss out on everything! When connection kept getting interrupted and my medicines began to cause me to fade ... I bean to get frustrated because I felt like I was letting my Daddy in heaven down!

He whispered peace to my soul!

He reminded me its okay HE knew my heart, that often the truest worship is found at the Fathers feet.

My heart relaxed and let all those emotions go and concentrated just on Him...

I felt like I had been at church even though I truly hadn't.

I love when God reminds us of His promises and shows up in the most mightiest ways!

After time spent alone with Him my soul felt so refreshed! 

In the stillness of the morning with just the hum of the refrigerator, I feel refreshed spiritually. I am reminded this a temporary home...

 2019 has had some highs and some lows already! However that may be we have seen God answer some very big things we have been praying about for sometime!

We have been praying for almost a year for insurance to agree to cover benlysta weekly shots at home instead of monthly infusions! Due to the severe side effects I have after the treatment! We got the letter of approval last week! So I will no longer take the monthly infusions! Our prayer is my body handles the shots with far less side effects.

We had also been helping our oldest daughter pray about a job closer to home. She recently tested positive for lupus and had been driving two hours one way to work everyday 12 hr shifts. God opened the door for her at our local hospital 10 min. from her house! She will begin there mid February! 

I am so thankful for his answered prayers! Hes a good good Father for sure! It's easy to worship when we are on the mountain top. I think we can all agree when we are in the valley it takes much more work! I can totally say it is well worth it!
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your morning with me !

Prayerfully Yours ~ Shellie