Finding The Confidence Within

 It's so hard to believe we are already almost halfway through January!

My New Year started off differently than I had planned.

But in the world of Shellie, I am not surprised at all!

I have been sick since around ThanksGiving just not been able to shake it, this time around.

I had the whole month of January planned out in my head. All the things I was going to begin like exercising, being more productive each day, and making each day feel celebrated! Lol that was a funny thought! Because it is nowhere near my new year has been so far. as I mean, you have to be able to breathe to make those things happen and walk more than a few steps before you feel like your gonna pass out! 

However, I set goals for the year and began cutting things out of my diet! I am proud of myself for that! Because trying to cut out sugar when taking large amounts of prednisone is no easy task! I think I dreamed of cookies last night all night long! I woke up and could taste them! It took all I had in me not to go pop the sugar cookies in the oven at like 5am. Instead, I went ahead and had breakfast and my meds! However, cookies would have gone well with my coffee!

I've been thinking a lot about how I talk to myself and how it affects me. Like it would be so easy to just keep the sugar in my diet rather than cut it out! Right? I mean what is a little cookie gonna hurt! After all, life is short eat dessert, I thought a lot about that! It made me realize that we often self-sabotage ourselves! 

Making excuses to keep our routines the way that they already are. Rather than putting in the hard work to make the changes we need.

I told you in my last post my word for this year is confidence! I have been working hard each day to improve in all areas of my life. The place where I know I need it most is that voice I use to talk to myself.

Where I have felt so bad it has been hard to be confident in my appearance. When you are not wearing makeup, PJs are the

 only clothes you wear, and you are swollen up like a Heffalump from fluid retention and prednisone.

I have discovered over the years my mind believes what I tell it. If I tell myself I am fat and unattractive that is how I will carry myself. My worth will only be felt in what I see when I look in the mirror.

When I change that mindset and tell myself, your body is strong, look at all it does for you every day. In spite of all it fights for you!

It gives me the strength to walk through my house, it has fought hard for its life and my body bears the scars to prove it, I have a strong mind to think with, and though I may not feel it I am beautiful to the one I want to see me as that! My amazing husband reminds me that he thinks I am all the time. This list could go on but you get the point!

The very thing I want to make sure I don't allow to happen is I get caught up in what hasn't been this New Year and complain and whine about it. But rather be thankful for the strengths that I have. That will build the confidence and the strength I need to stay strong and build confidence and keep fighting so I can reach those goals!

Even the ones that feel so far out of reach because of health setbacks.

I want to stay in a state of gratefulness.

My favorite book in the Bible is Psalm. When I had the knee surgery, that set the initial events that brings us where are today.

I didn't sleep much when I first came home from the first seven-day hospital visit.

When I came home I knew I had a pericardial effusion. I was not educated on what it really was. So it took time to learn about and it also took some time to realize what every time we laid the chase back at night for me to sleep. I would wake up with excruciating chest pain. So I would stay awake for hours reading. 

I did an extensive study on the life of David. 

This Shepherd boy did not become who he was without some real battles. He became one of the greatest kings ever and most importantly known for being a man after Gods own heart!

But it did not come easy or with out trust and hard work. Confidence in who was and what God said he was and going to be!

At one point in King David's life he fled to the mountains and hid in a cave from his best friend daddy who wanted to kill him!

Now no one will ever convince me other wise that David didn't struggle with confidence in this cave. I mean his best friends dad wanted to kill him. I have a huge imagination. So I can see their child hood and them playing with pretnd swords as they fought imaginary battles. Or had sleep overs and talked about the girl they thought was the prettiest in the village. Discussing what they hoped to be when they grew up! I promise the topic was never my dad is going to hunt you down and try to kill you! I am sure in their minds they were going to continue to do everything together as men. Raise their families to close so that they would always stay close.  All though later in scripture the Lord promises us." That all thing work together for those who love God"Romans 8:28. Dacid hadn't been told that yet! He was going to learn this the hard way.

He would spend 10 years in these caves. He would live a robin hood existence. Instead of becoming bitter because of his circumstance he grew closer and a man after Gods own heart. 

He used this time to grow his strenth in the Lord. Knowing that he would be by him and fight each and every battle he faced with God by his side. David spent his life listening to God and then obeying the instructions given to him. That is real confidence right there! Because David fought many battles in life. God was right there with him! Even when David messed up and made some major mistakes. He had confidence that God still loved him. He learned from the mistake and allowed it to grow their relationship. Not walk away from God. David paid a high price for his sins as well. All though he paid for those sins, some of them at a higher price than others. He never gave up on loving God and being confident in the man he was created to become. Thats real confidence right there!

Saul however spent his life doing his own thing not caring what God had to say! Persuing the life and the power he desired for himself. I guess to a degree both lives took confidence to live. He was self serving and gained worldly confidence was shaken by David and what had called him to be! His confidence waivered to how his life was going at the moment!

The confidence I want to obtain in the confidence that will lead me to a life closer to my Daddy! 

A confidence knowing when I look in the mirror and I see the confidence I gain through the years so I can become more selfless and see more find the love, help, and freedom in Jesus! 

Thats the confidence this girl wants to have!  

I want to find myself in a forever state of gratefulness. Where even if my confidence would fail. 

My gratefulness for all my Daddy has done for me and is gonna continue to do. Immediatly kicks in and says "Its gonna be ok because Daddys gonna walk you through this!

I don't want my confidence to waiver do my appearance, however I want to fall in love with me and care for me like I did my children. Protecting the girl her Daddy fearfully and wonderfully made. I realize the mind is a battlefield I that I have to fight to stay strong each day! Knowing Gods got this!

Talking to myself with love and not self sabotage. At the end of the day we can never truly experience the love we deserve from others until we have confidence to fall in love with ourselves and let that love pour out of us!I am not sure who will read this... I just know this message wasn't just meant for me! It was meant for someone else as well! I hope you can take these words to encourage to begin the journey of self love and confidence! Becoming the vest version of yourself for the better in 2023!

I hope every one has a wonderful week! I am praying for you! If you have something you need me to pray about please leave it in the comments below! so I can help you pray! 

Please pray for me as I have bee the sickest I have been in a few years. My lungs have taken a hard hit and it is gonna take a minute to bounce back. I ask you help me pray by next week I can have my oxgen liters turned back down to 3. That my lungs will feel stronger daily, My strength and energy levels would become stronger each day! Thank you ahead of time for those prayers! I am praising God now in the hallway as we wait! Its in His time but I am grateful because I assure you someone is praying for what I have!

Thank you for stopping by and sharing a part of your day with me! Time is precious the fact you were willing to spend some time with me. Over joys my heart to have you here!

I hope you know I am praying for you always!

Until next time, I hope you will be walking in the footsteps of grace with Jesus and me!

Prayerfully  Yours,

 Shellie 

Whispers Of Hope

This week has been a week of celebration!

We celebrated Jody's Birthday! 

I began a new health journey! 

I am taking myself back! Health, Mind,  Body, and Soul.

That has meant some serious praying and soul searching! 

One of the first answered prayers, I had been searching for so long. Was what I can do to support my body. To help it be the healthiest it can be and fewer bad days and many more feel-good days!

I was surprised that the first step to take was to activate my cells and stop their aging from the inside out! 

Addressing inflammatory responses! Cutting out what I can and giving my body the best chance daily! 

I have been spending time truly researching Lupus. From a doctor's perspective and functional medicine perspective!

I feel that both together if you study and read enough you can find the lock and key elements that help to heal and support what the body needs.

All though there is still so much to be learned! One thing is for sure to activate my cells from the inside out. Work with my immune system instead of making it go crazy!

So the first thing I decided to do for myself is to start something unique on a pharmaceutical level but also filled with good things from a natural standpoint and not a chemical level.

I began this part of my journey last week! 

Actually, yesterday was my seventh day taking the new feel-better meds! I am very impressed with the results even in such a short span! I can tell the difference in many areas!  Including clearer thinking, energy levels are changing! I am not needing to nap anywhere near as much as I usually do.

I have also noticed I have more energy to do things. without the crash that comes later in the day.

However, towards the end of the week, I reached detoxing the bad out of my body from a cellular level.

Normally detoxing makes me so sick, that I won't continue. However with the wonderful support of the team behind me. I have been able to detox without a major crash! I have required more rest coming into the weekend,. I am okay with that because I have truly come to the place. I need more out of life than trying to survive.

I want to live and enjoy all aspects of my life. Not watch everyone around me living like I am a part of a movie directing what goes on but not participating in the actual film!

This journey will come with different things I am exploring! I have been doing tons of research learning even more about lupus. So I can advocate and help others like me to take control of our bodies and do things we love again

I am so aware there isn't a cure! Yet I serve a great big God who has the cure and the answers! Maybe I'm meant to have this to let Him shine through and to teach others what I learn and give hope!

Hope was the word I chose at the beginning of the year for the word I wanted to truly implement in my life! Hope comes with so many amazing things to look towards to! It's also the gateway to faith!  I have complete faith in my Daddys plan for me!

The next part of my new journey begins on Monday! I am going to start an inflammatory diet! This means I will cut out foods that cause inflammation! I have learned that the immune system lives in the gut! If my gut health is not good and I am feeding it things, that drives it crazy.

My immune system will go into overdrive and when it does that it attacks my organs, healthy cells, nervous system, veins, and the list keeps going on.

I am also learning the other things that I have like chronic pericarditis. All of these things are affected by the same things!

 So as hard as it may be to give up foods I love like grains, dairy, refined sugars, and nightshades. Will be a small sacrifice to have more good days and fewer bad days.

Please pray for me during this transition!

I want to succeed at this! I have done it before and I can do it again! 

I look forward to healing my body with whole foods and things God gave us! Not things created in a lab that destroy us from the inside out!

I have also been working on following people on social media who are working or already living what I am trying to achieve!

One of my favorites is a wonderful friend of my husband and mine.

Her name is Jessie Sales, you can follow her on Instagram!

She has helped me to know what kind of books to read to use ancient medicine along with my new medicine journey! 

Just this morning I asked what books would she recommend to read about self-care! She recommended her top 3 books on Self Care

Think Like a Monk -Jay Shetty

Untethered Soul -Michael Singer

Free Your Energy -Sylvester McNutt

I look forward to purchasing one of these books to help me with self-care and healing open wounds of the past!   So my heart and mind can be healthy and whole as well. I was thinking this morning it is a shame it has taken me so many years to arrive at the place, I make me a priority to heal.

I had already ordered a book Jessie recommended. It came Friday and  I learned so much in the few chapters I read! 

All though I am honest with myself and realize this will be a daily choice and journey! Our heavenly Daddy has given us all the resources we need to be able to heal from the inside out! 

I hope you will join me as I embark on this journey and pray for me! I am excited!

I look forward to seeing what the future holds as I take me back! As I take back the things I love and enjoy the beautiful world around me!

My Daddy has left me here countless times when He could have taken me home! For me that is proof my story isn't for me but the those who are watching and reading about it! That is what inspires me to keep moving forward! Looking doe ways to heal and become stronger! He promises to hold my hand everystep of the way! 

Heling has been a life long journey for me! Its time to help it come full circle and chase my dreams and make them happen! I know He know the plans He has for me! He will dde me through each and every step good or bad! I amecxited to see how I feel four months from now! Taking the new medicines that heal on the cellular level! Helps to stop the aging of cells that promotes good immune health! Giving myself the best chance from positive food changes and implementing movement to help combat pain and fatigue. Feel free to ask questions! I would love to help you start your own journey for a healthier you! Whether your in the fight of your life literally or trying to just be a healthier you! The truth is, We have to heal all aspects of our bodies. Only then will we be successful at sticking with it! Loveing the beautiful you, that you were created to be!

Thank you for stopping by and sharing a part of your day with me! Time is precious the fact you were willing to spend some time with me. Over joys my heart to have you here!

I hope you know I am praying for you always!

Until next time, I hope you will be walking in the footsteps of grace with Jesus and me!

                               Prayerfully  Yours,

                                     ~Shellie~

I would Like to leave you with this verse to think on this week! It is one of my very favorites! For so many reasons! But truly I need this promise I go into this new journey! I Hope it gives you the same courage it gives me to hope for good things to come!

It's Time To Listen

I wasn't sure if this was what I should do or not! After much prayer I know it is what my Daddy wants for sure.

I am a huge history girl! I love to know how things came about and why it came about the way it did. What was the cause and effects of each act in history and how is it still affecting us today,

In the light of the recent events of the loss of a man who was someones son, brother, father, friend, and someone fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of my Daddy. Another life taken for no rhyme or reason,

I wonder when my Daddy is looking down on His throne how much more His heart breaks for His children.

I know my heart truly breaks for my brother's and sisters of Christ who skin color is brown and not white. All through history they have been ridiculed as they strive to have the very same rights that my family has. They do not know the same peace my family feels when they leave their homes because through generations the stigma that they themselves are bad for the color of their skin. These families worry when they allow their children to go outside and play will they be safe? Because if something were to go wrong and they are in the cross fires they will be the ones who will take the blame and the outcome may cost their life. We often look at cultures we don't understand and form an opinion off of the things others think rather than seeking out what God says.

It's so easy to get swept up and think this is not my problem. Yet that is the problem we have been quiet to long, Setting on the side lines and walking quietly by not reaching across the borders and bridging the gap. By listening and trying to understand the frustration of the people who feel that they have to go to extreme circumstances to be heard, For the world to stop and listen to their fears. Fears that I can't say I truly understand because I am on the outside looking in! Yet here I am, I am listening, I want to hear you.

I can not imagine the generational fears passed down for the black community, If you truly study history you will see that any man that has ever been in legal authority over them has been a tyrant of sorts. Their ancestors endured horrific circumstances. Beatings, separation from their families, living with not even basic essentials, and this list could go on for a really long time. 

Separated and made to feel less than what God made them to be.

I taught my girls we don't judge a person by the color of their skin! That person is just the same as you no matter the color! They were raised in a home that taught the truth of history not leaving out the truth of the matter of slavery, We had long discussions on what we would have done to tried to have change it if that would have been when God chose us to be born,I would have been abolitionist. I would have fought for their freedom and rights then just as I will today.

We need to set across the table from one another and talk and share our fears! We need to close the gap of separation not see color and see a person God created and loves as much as me! 

He wants to heal the wounds from past and prevent wounds of the future. There should not be separation of my family from theirs! They should feel just as safe coming to my neighborhood as I should to go through theirs!   

They should not fear the blue light that is meant to protect them unless like myself have done something to fear it! Their children should never be scared to ask a officer or myself  for help. They should not feel that I think my race is inferior to theirs! Because my dear friends it's not! I bleed the same color as they do. My heart hurts as theirs does! I can not undo what my ancestors did! I can however change how now and future generations act and treat people! They deserve the same opportunities my family has had with out fear, Because neither of us are inferior to the other! We are all created by the same loving God who Is a Jew by the way not a white man!

When He looks at us all He sees is the beautiful children He created and they are all good! Not one of them better than the other! All beautiful  and equal. So know I Shellie, I see you, I hear you,I am learning, I will be educating, because your lives matter and the violence must stop so we can heal our children and make a better world for them to live in that is safe and equal!

So my prayer for our nation, our world, our families, and for each other! Let's stop ignoring the issue! Let's give it's voice in a peaceful nonviolent way! Let's set down with one another and bridge the gap with kindness, prayer, and most of all love! 

After all your all my brother's and sisters! No matter your color!

It's time for true healing to begin!
Thank you for sharing apart of your day with me! It means a lot that you chose to!

I am praying for you and your family this week! Stay safe and well!

Prayerfully Yours,

~Shellie~

Just Remember We Are ALL Stronger Together!

Sorry For my Absence....

So sorry for the absence... Some times life catches up to us and its all we can do to tread water, to stay a float.

That is most definitly how I have felt the last few weeks.

After attempting to step off of one of my anti inflammatory medicines for my heart. My health has been in a tail spin it feels like.

I slept propped up on 4 pillows for 7 days, its taken 14 days for the fluid to go away and the chest pain to go away with it.

Then out of the blue I have been plagued with head aches, mouth ulcers, nausea, dizziness, and fever. My rheumatologist reply was it sounds like lupus but your blood work is normal please continue to document these flares and keep me updated.

Saturday evening I won myself a trip to the ER! They did check my heart and lungs and said every thing looked good ! Praise the Lord deemed everything as a nasty virus. Till last night when my blood pressure dropped to 87/70. Today its ridiculously high including my pulse.

This journey has been a long and hard road. It began over a year ago... I was hoping by now we would have figured out why I have a few good days then 2 weeks of feeling awful.

Its hard to be strong sometimes when your so very tired. I  am so thankful for a Savior who promises to never leave or forsake you! I know He will strengthen this body and carry me through... His word promises that! He also knows the plans He has for me!

I find myself missing the simplicity of just getting into the car and driving myself to the grocery store. since I haven't driven since September....

I miss caring for my home as I once did... I miss sewing for hours with out extreme pain afterwards... I know that God isn't finished with my story.

But please if you will lift me up in prayers. I so want to feel whole again. I want to be able to do the things God has called me to do! Even the simplest of things such a writing!

It brings my heart such joy just to be able to share with you guys glimpse of our life.

I claim Mark 5:34 For my life....

He said to her, "Daughter your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."

I will leave you guys with the lyrics of one of my favorite songs! Its helped me through many long and hard days...

"I am healed by the word of God, I am healed by the Word Of God, Yes Its all ready done just waiting for my change to come ! Yes I am healed by the Word of God!

Immeasurably More.....

Immeasurably More... Oh what a statement... Ponder on those words and let them sink into your heart.... I am immeasurably more to Jesus.

I am more than what has happened to me. I am more than what others think of me.

These words have settled into my heart and renewed my heart in so many ways!

This past weekend I attended a Women Joy Conference in Pigeon Forge Tn.

I always look forward to getting away with the ladies

This year I anticipated it so much more...

last year when I attended it was in such different circumstances.

It was such an amazing feeling to be walking and breathing with out assistance!

The we weekend started with such an amazing speaker! Angie Smith! When she stood and spoke it was as if she was an old friend just there to share her heart! Her message touched me in such away! When she stood on that plat form and shared her raw heart!

She shared the loss of child and how God brought something beautiful out of something that had caused so much pain and death.

Its okay to feel the hurt and let God use it to bloom you when He is ready. Yet that hurt is often used to grow someone else...

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The same evening the one and only Mark Lowery performed! He was simply amazing the Bible is so right laughter is like good medicine! I haven't laughed that hard in such a long time! Not only his gift of laughter touched my heart but the smoothness of his beautiful voice! He touched my heart in so many different ways! It felt so wonderful to laugh.... I do mean really laugh it felt like it had been so long since I had felt such deep laughter...

The next days session were so life changing! Sheila Walsh spoke ! She shared her personal story of how her fathers actions towards her as a child effected her life! She shared from the depths of her heart how shame can make is not want to share where we come from. She reminded me that God has written our stories to share... That I should never ever be ashamed to tell where He has brought me from!

A few years ago I was made to feel like I wasn't worthy of Gods grace and love because of where God delivered me from! Shelia stood from that platform and looked out what seemed like directly at me ! I am sure that is not the case but it sure felt like it ! She spoke that God needs us ! He wants us to be willing to stand on that same platform and share where He has brought us from ! That shame is not of God... Its satan's way  to keep my story bottled up...

She reminded me that I have no reason to be ashamed... I should want people to know what wonderful things God has done from the ashes of my childhood.

I did enjoy our next speaker she was bold and too the point. I enjoyed her tenacity. She just didn't touch me as the others had.

That evening we enjoyed an amazing concert by the amazing and talented Lauren Daigle ! She has such an anointing on her life! you could feel the spirit fall on the auditorium that was filled with 9,875 Jesus girls praising their Jesus  all weekend not ashamed!

Sunday our last session was the amazing Lysa Terkeurst.

I have never set in a teaching of hers that has not been life changing! This time was no different! She shared about disappointments and how when we least except them they will come... Yet if we are willing God will use those disappointments to grow us and those around us ! They are often used to often quiet us to make us get alone with Him. Because we refuse to be still and do it on our own. I thought to myself girlfriend have you been living in my home this past year!

Conference closed on such a high note ... I walked away changed revived and reminded that to God I am special! That He has got me in the palm of His Hand and He makes no mistakes...

He reminded me this weekend its time to tell my story and stop hiding away from the world... No not everyone will be kind about it... But Jesus  will get the glory from it... The only true persons opinion that matters is His... He loves me I am immeasurably more to Him....

I am glad to Know That I Can be Who Jesus Created Me To Be .... NO Matter Where Life Takes Me!