Pastor Appreciation ... Oh How I Love Thee

Goodness! Its so hard to believe that October is almost gone! I cannot lie and pretend I am not happy! My heart is leaping for joy that the end is near and my Christmas Tree will be up!
I am linking up with Stacy over at Duncan Party Of Six Ministry Wives Blog Roll! If your in the ministry and would like to join in on the fun click the link below!
Ministry Wives Blog Roll

Every year the month of October is set aside to appreciate our Pastors! In my case my husband.  As I  have tried to think all month long something I can do to say thank you for all he does! I still can not settle on that one thing just yet.

However as I think of the year that has passed and all that he does to ensure his flocks are cared for. I still stand in awe of all he manages to accomplish and still do what he needs to do for his own family.

Honestly I never here him say he deserves more of anything due to all the things he does. He does it with out thought! 

A a wife though we often can feel we only get what he has left over. 

I know for my own self I have felt that way before...
Even this month did not go with out this thought sadly ... 
So after my melt down lol. I hope you don't mind me being real! 
I decided this was a subject best taken up with my Daddy.
The more I prayed I realized I don't really get whats left over. Often times I get my sweet husbands very best and don't realize it.  After God I get the first good morning and kiss.
I know that if I need him he will drop everything to be at my side to see me through what ever has came our way. This is only two of the very special things shared with me! After all I am the one other than God he shares His dreams and fears with. 
When I look at things through the eyes of my Daddy... Oh how my heart over flows with love for the man who I get to call my own! 
Our church is scheduled to celebrate him Sunday... I am not sure what those details will intell  actually. They have kept the details away from me .
My hopes are that they tell him not show him how love and appreciated for all he does to look over his flock for his heavenly Daddy!
The more I type, I think the perfect gift I can give him is 365 reasons why I am blessed he is not only my husband but also my Pastor...
If your reading this post and you are a Pastors Wife or a First Lady as my church call me ! Just know I am praying for you! Don't ever let the lies of the enemy keep us from seeing the blessing of the everyday life we live! 
Thank you for stopping by! I will be praying you are loved and blessed !

I Quit!

Being a Pastors wife can be rewarding and challenging to say the least! Over the years I have found myself longing for someone who understood The life I lead. there was no such person sadly. When I began blogging it was something I wanted to share in hopes it would help others along the way. When one of my best and dear friends asked my to join on her ministry wives blog roll! I was over joyed at the thought of a network of women who share the ups and downs of ministry! Encourage each other along the way!

So today I am linking up with Stacy at A Homemakers Heart.

If you would like to join in on sharing please follow the link below! We would love to hear from you!

A Homemakers Heart Ministry Wives Blog Roll Connect

Last week has proven to be on of more trying weeks in ministry to date! The stress sometimes is much more than one person can bear.

We have so many expectations placed on our shoulders as pastors wives we often forget the person God created us to be,

 When we loose sight of that we were called to be, other than pastor wives become frustrated, just as I did,

I truly told my husband those very words I Quit!

 So what do we do when we become so frustrated we want to throw our hands up and quit?

For me I had to take a step back and ask why I had gotten there to begin with.

I think sometimes some forget that just because we are pastors wives we aren't super women.

We have needs of our own. We need to be fed spiritually and we can only take on so much.

Its very easy for someone to demand they want to see this happen or we should incorporate such and such.... Yet never offer to help bring the things to pass and want to see us do it for them.

They forget we have homes, family's, and often callings that God placed on our lives beside being a pastors wife.

I became frustrated because of a comment someone made to my husband that led to him asking me to add more to something that I was already doing.

I was already feeling bad and for those of you don't know I have SLE Lupus. I was on a time crunch to get certain things do before I had my monthly infusion for my Lupus.

Because It knocks me down for almost a week.

I don't think he meant to send me teetering over board.

yet his words and their expectations did.

I realized after a heated discussion and the words I quit that filled the room. I need to spend some time with my Daddy. Do I could fully understand my frustration and what I needed to do moving forward.

These were the things he showed me !

I hope these 5 simple things help you as they have me! 

Being a pastors wife isn't easy or glamorous. It can be rewarding yet challenging! My prayers these things help you and that you know that its okay to to say I quit! Aka I need a break! 

1. I need time with Him, time for Him to speak to my heart with out the outside world telling me what they want from me. This needs to be outside of my quite time. When someone brings a new task for me. before I agree I need to tell them I need time to pray and think about it. tell them I will get back with them in 24 to 48 hours. Yes this includes my hubby. Hes agreed to this . I can not minister effectively if I am over extended.
2. I have take care of me physically. If I am not physically okay I can minister effectively as well. I need proper rest and care for me. That mean one day a week I have a day off from ministry and housework. I can rest that whole day if needed, I have chosen Monday!I am normally so wiped out after Sunday's I need a day of nothing!
3. Sometimes my best yes is no! If I have taken time to pray about it and look over what it intells and I feel it isn't something my Daddy in heaven wants me to do. Or it is an activity that's to much for the time. It is okay to say no. Because when I become over extended, I can not serve Jesus or my family the way I am intended.
4. Being a pastors wife isn't the the only calling God has placed in my life. I need to spend time adequately investing in both,

   5.My first priority is to my family though... If I am so over extended that its effecting my health and I can not be here for them that's actually a sin. If ministry is taking presidency over them. I need to step back and reevaluate. I have to make sure I am finding that balance. That allows me to be the wife and mom God wants me to be. Otherwise my kids even though grown will recent the the think I want them to love!

After I spent time with God and realized my priority's were out of balance. I went to my hubby and told him, What my Daddy had showed me. We both agreed we needed to approach things in this manner from this point forward.

That when things are out of balance in one area it throws everything off.

I am working on handing some stuff off which I have needed to do.

Needless to say I took back my resignation! With some terms that will keep me sane and not frustrated.

We are many things to many people my fellow pastor wives ! One thing we are not is super woman. Please take care of you and the things you need ! when you do that the rest will fall into place with out so much stress! 

I am praying this was helpful to someone! I have been a Pastors wife now for almost 20 yrs. some of these lessons are not always easily learned. Often I have found myself wishing there was someone who I could have went to for help! That's why I can share my story with you, in hopes it helps you along the way.

Praying for you ~ Shellie

When Real Life and Ministry Collide

I am always amazed at God's grace and love for me... From the time I was sixteen years old and I gave my heart to Jesus on my bedroom floor. I can look back and see where he has literally picked me up and carried me.

Ministry has been such a huge part of my life. we have been a pastors family going on 16 years now. Each and every year has been a treasure to be hold. 

Its not always a cake walk as well. Sometimes the storms that crash our lives make us feel like drowning.

However my life Savior is never far away.

The past two years I have felt like I have been in a battle in the deepest depths of the sea. When real life and ministry collide.

It can be a bit overwhelming. My family has had to learn how to minister in the midst of one of the biggest health crisis, we have ever faced. Sure we have had some real hiccups along the way but nothing like what we have faced even now.

So how do you balance Ministry responsibilities and life responsibilities?

For us this wasn't a simple answer. 

We had never been faced with such major emergencies as we we have now.

Honestly I don't have a mentor to turn to ask these questions. Its a learn as you go process for us.

Here is my top five lessons learned!

1- Sometimes your family must became fist. Even over ministry!

This was hard for us! As ashamed as I am to admit it, was often the other way around. We revolved everything around our ministry. When I had knee surgery and aspirated stomach acid into my left lung.I woke up with a heart condition. Unable to breathe normally or walk no more than a few steps. I was wheel chair bound for the most part. this was not how this surgery should have went.  I was out of church for a month and a half.on off for longer spans later. One of my daughters had to stay with me around the clock. My sweet hubby had to get someone to fill in for him. We learned right then that things were probably never going to be the same. Then before we knew it I was admitted back into the hospital and to have emergency major heart surgery, 6 months later another major heart and lung surgery.

We had to let ministry take the back burner for a while and focus on our household for awhile. Not only was my life turned upside down, but my husband and kids were as well. We had entered the eye of the storm.

As important as ministry is to us. we knew that we were gonna need a support system to help us out and see us through. 

This would prove to be harder than expected. 

                           2 Corinthians 4:8-9 ESV

We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed

Was a huge comfort during this time... Because what satan means to destroy us with God uses to make us stronger.

We knew that we had to put us first, and it would be okay! 

Ministry could be second, After all God is the head of all things for us.

2-  Have a support system you can trust to handle what you can not. 

I know this sounds like a no brainier... Everyone has this right... Wrong lol! For me this was hard when we arrived to where we are today. I had been extremely hurt by those I thought I could trust right before we left and came here. That left me guarded, and well honestly made it hard for me to be able to delegate things because I needed to be sure I could trust  people inside that circle. About the time all of this had taken place my husband and I had really just gotten to the point we had a inner circle of people we knew we could trust to handle some of the responsibilities we did not have to handle. Like teaching Children's ministry , I could handle some of the logistics from my chase where I proceeded to live at the time. He could let others help him with phone calls and visitation. There were times others stepped in and handled things he just needed taken off his plate at the time. We learned during this time it was okay not to have our hands in everything. That it was more than okay to let our brothers and sisters help carry the burden with you. It makes it so much easier when you have help. especially help you can trust. Honestly, we now have in place where all of us have an apprentice that trains under us . everyone except for the pastor of course. That away if there is an emergency that person can step in and handle things just as if we were not out all. At home we learned everything did not have to be perfect. I had to learn to let others handle things in the house, I normally handled. It was hard at first, it got easier as I took  my hands off of things... I have learned it does not have to be done by me to be done right.... Others can do just a good job if not better! 

Galatians 6:2 CEV

You obey the law of Christ when you offer each other a helping hand. 

The Bible is clear about us helping each other! I am glad I heeded to His Word! It has made life so much easier!

3- You do not need to feel guilty if you miss church or your unable to attend or be involved with a ministry at the church, or if your home is not perfect or a good time to visit!

I am a very hands on person. I love to be involved and doing. However after the knee surgery that set off a tailspin of events. My life has been forever changed.

One of the hardest things for me even still today. Is saying no... or not being involved in everyone's ministries the way I once was.

I have even scaled back some of the special events that Children's Church once did.

I felt guilty if I had to miss a ladies meeting or an outreach ministry.

It was hard because as a the Pastors wife you feel obligated to be there. For awhile I tried to make myself. Even when I knew I wasn't up to it. I found myself falling ill. On top of some very complicated health issues. This became a bigger strain on my already stretched to thin hubby. Who was now worrying what this would do to my already fragile lungs.

So I began to pray about how my Daddy in heaven would have me handle this. It was kinda funny right before my knee surgery I had read Lysa TerKeurst book The Best Yes. If you have not read it ! Its a wonderful insightful read! It can be life changing! It has been for me! Because often I have learned my best yes, is really no.

Because My Daddy in heaven showed me that its is okay not to be at everything. It didn't matter what others thought I should be doing.

Its about balance, If I am always sick I will never be at anything. It was better to miss out on the outdoor Christmas gift wrapping service and be at church on Sunday. Than to have pneumonia . Then miss weeks of church.

I have learned I don't have to feel guilty for missing things. 

God truly knows what our limits are. 

I need to must be able to live life outside of church. I need to be able to serve family and my church. So I must find the balance in both with out feeling overwhelmed or guilty.

I can not be a please people and not care for me!

For our home, we realized its okay to say its not a good time! Before I would have never thought one second to tell some one its not a good day to visit. I would have made it possible and put my own things aside. Now If I am not feeling well or I am over whelmed with what I already have going on. I schedule a time for some one to come back and visit on a later day.

Most everyone understands completely, I warn them before they come I may be in my pj's lol!

4- Its okay if someone does not understand the storm your in. 

One of the hardest part of being a pastors wife with the  auto immune disease Lupus. Is most people do not know enough about it. That all they can see is the outward appearance. They will make comments such as, "Well you look good" So you must feel good!' That's never the case lol. Its amazing what a little bit of make-up can do.

The key to getting through their miss understanding is prayer.

I had to step away from children's ministry for about 3 months. It actually led to children's ministry, being shut down. 

Here is why.... All people could see is an outward appearance. they didn't understand how hard it was on my body.

All they could see was what I looked like on Sundays. That I continued to home school,They didn't see the fact that I wore pjs as a permanent wardrobe, I didn't wear make up, and I would be completely wiped out for a day or two after church, I don't drive, and I take 14 different medicines a day, Just because the last major heart and lung surgery has been a little over a year ago the heart still is not okay.... Neither am I...

People are people.... All they could see is that I had been doing children's church , I should be able to continue on with out extra help. So when we couldn't get the help I needed, I stepped away. I needed a physical break and a spiritual renewing.I honestly felt like I was stuck in hurricane and I was drowning.... 

During this time some got a little irritated.... they didn't like the thought that children's church had been put on a temporary hold.

Yet I can say this storm taught them all something...

We all need to unify and work together,Just because you cant see the battle someone is fighting doesn't mean its not there, and that we need to be in contact with one another and praying for each other.

Even in our home, this storm had effected us each in a different way... We have made the promise to talk to each other. So we know how to pray for one another!

My storm has became a huge part of my testimony! Since this took place our children's ministry is stronger than it has ever been! We are united and we work well with one another. 

Even some have experienced their own health  storms. Just because we don't understand or  someone else doesn't understand. Doesn't mean we should stop reaching across the bridge to one another. The storm your called to is yours after all. It is ment for you learn from it ...So not everyone will understand it.

Its made my family stronger and closer than ever!

We no longer take each day for granted, we know the value of time with each other.You never know when that time could be cut short.

It has made more sensitive to others lives. Especially outside of ministry. Our home is our first ministry ! It should rank above all.

Psalm 107:29  (ESV) 

He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed. 

  I know in my heart the storm I have faced, God has spoken too... He has hushed the sea as well let it rage at times. I can say though no matter what it is well with my soul!

5- Find something each day to be thankful for, because everyday is a gift!

Sounds so simple right! I have found there has been some days that it can be really hard to be thankful for pain! 

However when I decided to find at least one thing different everyday to be thankful for. It truly changed my out look on how I perceived what I faced the day ahead... Whether it was a productive day and I actually was able to do something. Or a day spent lying around because I am having a flare. Thankfulness leads to being grateful.

Oh I can assure you I am beyond thankful for each and everyday I open my eyes!

 

This post speaks to my own soul this evening... After I woke up with a fever and congested yesterday and no better today. Landed a improntu visit to the doctor this morning. I am now resting in the bed trying my best to fight this off because! I have a trip planned later next week! I wont be able to attend church tomorrow... For me a small illness can wipe me out for days and sometimes weeks. Prayind this does not last long and is gone by Monday! I so long for long evenings catching up with one of my best friends! Please pray this passes quickly!

                        I can not say thank you enough for taking time to stop by! I pray something

 mentioned here is something that you can use to help make life and ministry easier for you as well!                                            Praying you have a blessed weekend ! ~Shellie

From the Parsonage: Its The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

This honestly my most favorite time of the year! I anticipate it from the beginning of the year till the last day of October when I put my tree up.

Its not even about all the decorations, its about the time together with the ones we love the most.

Its a time that brings the the things we are most thankful to the forefront. It spotlights the things God has blessed us with through the years to our minds and puts us in a state of gratitude.

Over the years holidays has taken several different forms of traditions.

When we lived in the mountains, holidays was just our family of four. Making new traditions for us to enjoy as a family. Laughing, cooking, sharing what we are thankful for! 

Time spent around the table and Christmas days spent in pajamas!

Then when we moved back to our home town family wanted us to accommodate the way they had done things when we were gone for seven years. It was hard for our family to help others understand we would keep some of the traditions we had created just for us .

It was important to our kids we kept some of those favorite things! So we have made it clear that some days just don't work. We call those black out days. these are days set side to bake to enjoy holiday traditions we want to continue for years to come.

This year we celebrated Thanksgiving at our house, 5 generations was present to celebrate the time of thankfulness!

This is the first time in almost 6 years all of us have been able to come together for the holidays. All though we have lost some very special family members. It was such an amazing feeling to be surrounded by all of those we hold so dear to our hearts.

The room was filled with laughter the aroma of amazing food. Kids running around wild! Several walking talking miracles setting basking in the blessing of being here and with family.

It truly made my heart soar with gratitude for all the many blessings God has given us!

It was also a reminder of how quickly things can change. For we never know Gods plans for our families.

Especially if your a Ministry family. My girls are older now and they can voice the thing that are important to them to keep just for them.

So If your a ministry family I encourage you to the same as well!

Start traditions that are away from all the family and church hustle and bustle . Have days you set aside just for you as your family unit. 

After all they are the most important ones to please! 

Make the transition of being in new places feel special by choosing something you only do with each other!

One of our favorites is Christmas day! We have a no visitor policy.

We spend our days in our pjs! Wake up watch the Christmas parade! Our Christmas meal is Steak, baked potatoes, salad, and what ever dessert they choose! We watch movies and play games, my most favorite however is the Birthday Party we have for Jesus.

This is our day just for us! 

That was the hardest thing for me. When we first started ministry. I thought we had to give all our time away.

I learned though .... Jesus understood that we needed time to be just a family! Those are some of our families favorite Holiday memories are the ones that was just us.

I love to be with every one sharing the things we are most thankful for.

However one of those things are the us . My family unit God blessed me with.

So make sure this year you grow the ones you love best! Start a new tradition! Trust me they grow up and life will take you in lots of directions but the holidays will be a time when they all come home to be with you!  

So this most wonderful time of the year, make a point to start a new tradition with the ones God gave to you! 

Remember the reason its the most wonderful time of the year we are in celebration of the Birth Of A King!

Jesus!

He is the reason its the most wonderful time of the year!

I pray your family is blessed this season! As we celebrate Jesus with family, ministry, and friends! Don tlet the stress of pleasing take away from the true meaning of this time of the year! 

Thanks for stopping by! Blessings, Shellie