Changing How I Talk To Myself

 

Have you ever felt like you were in one of the darkest moments? That you kinda feel like the dirt piling up around you will suffocate you before you make it to the surface to find air? I know I have been!   

Ya know when you are in the dirt we are so focused on what we are covered up in we forget that there is something blooming up at the surface.

It may be the most beautiful rare flower with the most amazing aroma. That it attracts butterflies and bees and it looks like it grew right out of a Disney fairytale.

Noone who is standing around admiring it is talking about how in its darkest days as it started out like a seed. that the first time it was watered it was terrified something was trying to kill it death by drowning! Or when it started to sprout it hated how skinny its vines were. They were nowhere strong enough to make it to the top it was going to die in the dark and never see the light!

Noone shared with the flower that one day when the person who sings to it and talks to it with such lovely words. Is adding special plant food to help it grow stronger, to also help it have radiant petals and longer bloom life! Nope it thought the stuff being added to the water was poison for sure that it would just make it to the surface and before it would crack the surface you would shrivel up

at the very first sight of light.

So the beautiful flower lived in fear of chaos she had talked to herself about each day. She almost missed out on the beauty above the surface after the trial.

The week before I had covid I read a book called the placebo effect. It was basically teaching you how you talk to yourself affects how your body heals and handles things. That also includes sickness and how we view ourselves.

I have learned recently that it isn't only our voice that we hear play over and over in our minds. I have realized that I have the power to turn those voices on and off. I am learning I have the power of what feeds into my heart and mind. 

I don't think we ever really consider what words can do to someone! It can either build them up or tear them completely down. Or better yet it can chip away at all the hard work that they have put in over the years because someone they love said something that they could not turn off. 

I have been on all of those sides of the spectrum. I am learning to silence what is not productive or building me up.

Not giving the things in my mind that go against what I need to be me and happy! It's so important to water and feeds the good!

Kill off the bad before it ever takes root.

You know if the flower had a buddy down there with them. that was encouraging her. Tell her about how the dirt is enriched with things that they need to grow healthy and strong! and that the water was there to help it grow strong so when it reaches the surface it can push through and continue to grow and bloom.

What if she is explained that the food in the water isn't poison! Instead, it is there to give them nutrients they need to grow from that it's gonna take that stem from skinny to pump!

That is when she reached the top of the soil! She would be able to push through and the sunshine would feel amazing! That when she spent a few days in the sun with proper food and water she would thrive! She would bloom and grow into the most beautiful flower in the garden!

Do you see the difference?

Each scenario is very true! We have to really examine how we are going to allow others and ourselves to speak to us and make us feel. I really had to examine myself and the things that were feeding my mind. 

I needed to be able to look into the mirror and love the one that was staring right back at me. 

The body is courageously strong and has done incredibly hard things. Survived things most wouldn't have.

It's okay to love the imperfect girl in the mirror!

It was okay to remember that God created our bodies to change and to age and that is okay!

I decided recently I needed to focus on my walk with my Daddy, Pouring into my marriage, writing, self-love, watching my grandbabies grow seeing my kids be happy, and more than anything falling in love with things that bring me joy!

There have been few things that bring such joy! Lupus has found a way to spoil the simplest things!

So let's start with the number five on my focus list!

I stumbled into a beautiful hobby over the years.

One I had actually almost refused to have anything to with because of a broken heart.

However, who knew a reborn doll could bring so much comfort on days that pain is its highest.

She has her own bag she travels in and goes most places I go! I am not afraid to carry her around! She helps with anxiety and helps to make me feel calm when I feel as if I can jump out of my skin. I am so grateful that I allowed myself to open up to such a beautiful hobby!

The sweet little blonde hair girl who stole my heart last year has been a God send! We all have things in our life that bring us peace and comfort! Some lie to write, read, snuggle a blanket, break dishes, throw axes, and the list could go on!

All of these things can bring the very same joy my reborn brings! Please think before you speak or judge! Because your words could totally devastate me! Or others who participate in the same hobby!

Meet Delaney Marie! 

I am sure that she won't be my last but for now, she has my whole heart!

This past weekend I was able to bring two things I love and bring me so much joy together!

I have been part of an amazing group with some wonderful ladies who went from friends to sisters who enjoy the same thing I love!

I opened my home for our very first NC Reborn Family tea party.

I loved every moment it took to plan each and every detail!

From the menu down to the spoons on the tables! Making sure everything was perfect! 

I wanted the afternoon to be perfect! 

To meet beautiful people who until now I had only known through a computer screen!

It turned out so much better than I could ever imagine! 

To put a real face in person, not on a computer.

Meant an afternoon of pure friendship! Laughter and making plans for the future!

I am learning that one of the things that help me to deal with all that comes with lupus. I need to allow things that bring me great joy to have a place in my life!

So I have made a list of 5 things I have to incorporate into my life! That I refuse to let lupus steal from me! These are things for me, not others! All though it does include others! 

We all should have a happy list!

I am super happy to have others in my life who love the same things I do! That I can share my hobbies with! 

Because self-care is not a selfish act! It's the exact opposite! It is absolutely needed in order to live a healthy life both mentally and physically! 

Most reborn collectors deal with anxiety, depression, loss of a child, unable to have children, or deal with chronic pain like I do! 

This hobby can seem taboo. But it doesn't have to be. If you understand why it's so important to the ladies who have them.

Including me. It can be a beautiful thing! It also helps the person who has them feel loved and supported! You may find you might want one! You never know they can be so much fun! 

So when you see me or these beautiful ladies above with our babies out in public! We aren't weird. We are dealing with things most never understand!

We desire your love and support!

This hobby makes going out more relaxed for people like me! IT KEEPS ME RELAXED AND HELPS ME STAY CALM DURING HIGH PAIN DAYS AND HIGH ANXIETY! The most beautiful thing, my family and friends understand and accept and support my hobby!  

This means so much to me!

Tea parties bring me so much joy! To this point, I plan to open a tea party by reservation service! I am so excited to bring this to life! It has been a lifelong dream of mine to bring this to life! 

Please pray for me as this is something that brings me so much joy and happiness!

I hope I can have this up and going by the end of the year!

Number four on my list is, self-love! This has been hard for me this year! I fell into a trap that made me believe, I was unwanted, no longer pretty, I allowed myself to not listen to the truths I speak about! I was upset about my weight and how much my body changed!. I even thought that I was useless and no longer needed here! I was a burden to all those I loved. I didn't know how to shut these things off! It had been years since I was in such a low place! 

No matter how many times I prayed or read a devotion spent time in the Word. I still walked away with a feeling of unworthiness! 

I just know the enemy was having the time of his life with this! He could not have me but he sure was having fun destroying me. It allowed me to go down rabbit holes I would have never gone before! All because I felt worthless. In my marriage, my family, my friends, my church family, and my ministry. 

No one likes to admit that we go through things like this!

We like to a fake smile on and pretend we are fine when we really need someone to throw us a life jacket and engulf us in a hug and let us cry! Let us cry for however long we need!

To help heal what was really truly broken! I would have been totally happy if my Daddy called me home! 

I truly felt this would be what was best for those I love! 

Now I see it was just a lie from the enemy!

So I have self-affirmations all over my bathroom!

That is where I get dressed and see myself in my birthday suit. I see the scars and the effects medicines and lupus has had on my body! The affirmations are reminders of all the things I am including beautiful no matter my clothes tag size, bald hair, or growing out hair, with or without make-up, I am not the words or things people made feel I am and whether they meant it or not! 

 I want to be able to read these things every time I walk into my bathroom! these affirmations are in several areas of my Disney Princess-themed bathroom!

But I don't only have them there, I have them in my sewing and doll room! I have them in my kitchen as well! 

How I talk to myself is a big deal! If I believe the enemy. I am too fat to be considered pretty, I am worthless and dumb, I can't do anything because of the meds I take, and can't be trusted to be by myself with children! My husband no longer is attracted to me or thinks of me in the ways husbands do. Because I was not attractive. I felt like I was just a shell of the woman I used to be! 

Those are all lies! Because I am made in the very image of my Daddy! When I think of myself as ugly. I m saying He's ugly! I can promise He is anything but ugly!

I am smart I can do hard things! I may be slower than I once was but I am capable to do hard things!

I may not be able to keep my boys by myself. It however is not a punishment or to make me feel worthless. It is so if crash I have someone to step in and take over! It is also on Days like a few Sundays ago  that chest pain caused me to leave 10 minutes into service! I was able to come home but what if I would have an episode like that and I would have needed to go to the ER! 

Satan has me convinced I would never get to be the Granny I desire to be! 

That is a big fat lie! However, that lie has led my Daddy to send several people to reach out to us with options to help restore strength, and help me find some normalcy! Help to be able to reign in my weight so I won't become a diabetic! 

Also so I feel more like me in the body I have been given!

I realize I am not supposed to look 105-pound teenage Shellie! My body is meant to change. I can't wait for grey hair actually I hope it turns white!!!

I need the steroids I take daily and have for the past 6 years! The weight is something I can not control! 

But I do want to be comfortable in the skin I am in! I want to look in the mirror and feel good about what I see and love myself. I have had to give the same speech to myself I have given to the girls over the years many many times recently! 

So when I look in the mirror and see myself there I tell myself I love her 3 times each time! 

I learned a long time ago you can not fully love anyone else till you can too love yourself!

I need to have grace for myself! It's okay to fall down! I have to make sure I get right back up! 

So It is truly important for me to come up with a self-care plan for me!

If I have one and I am following it, I can set time aside daily to do things that are good for me. That helps me to be me and to feel good being me no matter what! 

My self-worth can never be found in others or their words!

It's found in me and how I talk to myself! 

I want to set the example for others to follow! So if I am going to do that! I have to be on top of my game and talk to myself with love and so much grace!

Number 3 on my list is watching and helping my children build happy lives and being the best Granny I can be! 

My oldest and her husband are opening a children's boutique! I am so happy for them! This was a dream of theirs that they are putting into action! They are actively working on their shop readying it to open in late July! All though it has its highs and lows my heart soars seeing them bringing such an awesome dream into action! On top of bringing their dream into action, they are raising the most precious boys! I may be a little biased but they are the cutest things ever and I love to watch them! 

They are expecting their third in September! I am so excited about this new little life! To watch them grow and keep up with his brothers!

To see their curiosities about things and doing things together brings my heart so so much joy! I have not been able to be the Granny I an always envisioned I would be....

It's actually nothing like I thought it would be. I am learning to be okay with that! I don't have to be super Granny but making the most of the moments I have with them is what is most important!

One day those moments I hope are some of their favorite memories with me!

My youngest is still navigating young adulthood! I want nothing but happiness for her! She came out to us last year around October I believe that she was gay.

I won't lie this was hard because it isn't what I had envisioned for her! It doesn't change how much we love or accept her! Here is the thing there are so many out there to judge! As her parent, it's my place to love her no matter what and that is the mom I want to be!

I want to see her happy and smiling living her dream life! All Mommas do! So for me, it's one of those things when I know these people I helped create loved and cared for and cared for! When they are happy. My Momma's heart is happy! 

As a Momma I just want my babies to have all their dreams come true and truly be happy! What matters most to me is my Daddy chose me to be these beautiful humans to my babies and grandbabies! I would not have it no other way! I chose to love and sing of the praises of watching them and finding joy!

Number two on my list is pouring into my marriage!

We can get so wrapped up in what we read and see on tv. Or even what we envision in our head's marriage be we sometimes create a fairytale that is unrealistic!

Have you ever heard the grass is not always greener on the other side? The reason it may seem greener is because it is set on a septic tank!

Jody and I have been married for 28 years! This year I have been in such a place that I was so hard on myself I had told and perceived things that I should have asked about instead of stewing!

So I felt he didn't find me attractive and that I was fat. I felt like a huge burden, I was always sick and I hated that! Because no one wants to feel like they are the cause of someone's frustrations. when all the while there were frustrations that were real. They were not really geared at me. However, some of the things I was feeling were real. 

I have learned over the years anything worth having is worth fighting for! Sometimes that looks different for everyone! For me, it was more about communication and the energy I was allowing myself to put out there! Yes, I can control that I can choose positive or negative! Again this goes back to how I speak to myself! It also goes back to the vibe I put off to my husband! If I go around constantly saying I am so fat and so ugly eventually he is going to believe it with me! What I have come to realize men like confident women! A woman who knows her worth! 

They like a woman who is comfortable being her knowing he won the lottery when he took you to be his!

I know that sounds crazy! But it's so true! Try being more confident and showing your man the best thing that happened to him other than Jesus! Watch and see the changes! Also, talk to your Daddy about your marriage! Let Him fix what you can not He can always fertilize the grass you have already planted and make it the pretty greenest there is with beautiful flowers and butterflies and birds!

It's worth the extra work! Because when you know that you were created just for him! You will do crazy things to get his attention! But the best way to get his attention is through our Daddy!

My Number one on the list is my relationship with my Daddy! 

All is right in the world when I tentatively work on my relationship with Him! When I spend time in the Word, start my day in it listening to praise and worship! I know that my day is going to go so much better! When I keep him in every aspect of my day good or bad knowing He has full control! My day is so much better because I know no matter what He is in control! at the end of the day, His will is going to play out and He is going to right there walk beside me or even carry me because His girl doesn't have the strength to walk without Him anymore!

Having Jesus in my heart is by far the best decision I ever made sixteen-year-old Shellie was in her bedroom scared to death she was going to die that day! All I wanted to know is I was going to wake up in his arms!

Today I know one day that promise will be true! That He loves me unconditionally! He loves me for me and nothing is ever going to change that! So it was absolutely time to take back the control the enemy thought he had over me! Remind me who really is by my side fighting for his girl each and every day!

 These things are my top five things that bring me joy! It is one of those things that sometimes we have to really re-evaluate how we see ourselves!

To take back all that enemy is trying to steal because at the end of the day! 

I am His! He thinks His girl is beautiful inside and out!

The battle has just begun with lupus! I know My Daddy will have the last say! That's all that truly matters!

At the end of each day tell yourself you are proud of yourself and the things that make you who you are! Know your worth and never let anyone second guess that! 

I promise you your Daddy knows and He's up in heaven saying that's my girl right there!

It's okay to get into a slump the most important thing is to get out of it not to let it steal your joy or destroy your worth given to you!!!

by your Daddy!

 

Keep in mind as we navigate from here that we always remember the thought below

Thank you for stopping by and sharing a part of your day with me! Time is precious the fact you were willing to spend some time with me. Over joys my heart to have you here!

I hope you know I am praying for you always!

If you are on Facebook or Insta 

Follow me on Foot Steps of Grace there!

Until next time< I hope you will be walking in the footsteps of grace with Jesus and me!

Prayerfully  Yours,

~Shellie~

Also if you are interested in seeing more about reborn babies! Here is my insta account and some of my favorites!

once_upon_a_time_nursery

lisalsaunders

for_reborns_by_lexsi

butterflykissnursery

reborn_obessed_simply_blessed

These are just a few of my favorites! Let me know if you check them out and what your thoughts are!

Mission Hope Girls part 1 and 2

                                          

It's not often that the deep south gets to enjoy a snow storm… So when the girls in the A Life of Faith decided to pray and ask for snow they knew. They must be specific, in what they were about to ask Jesus for.

    The three  girls had just finished a lesson on treasuring God Word…. Led by Mrs.S… the A Life of Faith Group leader on their girls home…

  Mrs.S had started the missions house around ten years ago… took in young girls who families could no longer care for them….

    Mrs.S was a kind lady with soft eyes, that could also dance with childlike mischief. She knew all too well her own self what it meant to come from a broken home… Her goal was to never let these girls feel left out or alone… she wanted nothing more to make sure these girls grow up knowing their heavenly Daddy… Knowing they could go to Him for anything at all. No matter what! This Thursday afternoon was no different. The girls had been chattering for weeks about how they longed for a snow! One deep enough to build a snowman, one that fell and laid pretty, but didn't melt away to fast either!  

    However the small town of Albemarle, North Carolina rarely received snow above 3 inches. When a snow came it was normally gone as fast as it came. After the three girls at Mrs.S home heard the lesson about treasuring God’s Word… They knew they could also ask God for the desires of their heart and He was always listening…

   Mrs. S, Natalie asked “ Do you think if we ask God for a big snow, He might send it?”

“ I mean I know you just told us He hears our every prayer!”

Natalie had been with Mrs.S the longest of all the girls. This past December would mark her 7th year with Mrs.S. she was two when she arrived! She had never known any other parent besides Mrs.S. She liked it that way. She couldn't miss something she didn't remember. Her dark wavy shoulder length hair, dark brown eyes, and freckled face was always waiting for the next adventure to come. Natalie thought that no adventure sounded more fun than a snowy one!

   “Yeah” Ellie replied. A short blond hair blue eyed girl! Her eyes danced with excitement! “Do you think we could tell God how many inches we want?

Caroline also chimed in saying “ and how many days we want to last?”

Caroline a 8 year old with long blonde ringlets and soft blue eyes had been with Mrs S. for several years… Had just recently given her heart to Jesus! Was still learning to trust God could do anything!

Samantha the newest girl of the home… She would soon be celebrating her one year anniversary being with Mrs.S! Her long dark hair, with bangs who framed her sweet round face, soft melancholy eyes that we finally starting to shine with happiness. Was just beginning to open up and feel apart of her new family…

     Samantha chimed in saying” it would be quite the adventure if we have enough snow to sled! I have never been sledding!” Aunt Wealthy is always telling Millie Keith Life is an Adventure not a Tea Party!”

“  I think we should write it down and pray about it Mrs.S! “

   All the girls chimed in with agreement and excitement ! Mrs.S Helped the girls to pen down exactly how they wanted snow for the winter. They decided for the month of December it would be nice to have a snow that fell fat and pretty but did not stick! That way it did not interfere with the Christmas celebrations! They went on to Jesus that they wanted enough snow to build a snowman, they did not want the snow to melt fast so they could enjoy it for a couple of days, they wanted it to fall in the middle of the week, no less than 7 inches, and they prayed for wet snow so they would have a sledding adventure!

  After the girls wrote it down in their prayer journal and ended saying God's word says to write it down! The girls gathered hands and prayed with Mrs.S specifically knowing God was listening to the desires of their hearts!

                                          

   A few weeks passed when Ellie squealed with excitement when a winter weather advisory had been issued for their county ! Snow was expected and guess what she said with excitement! It's not supposed to stick !

   “Isn't that great” Mrs.S ? “The snow won't keep us from going ice skating and Christmas caroling tonight!”

    “ God has answered our prayers !” Caroline said looking up from her favorite book!  

  “ he sure has!” Mrs.S replied. I told you,” what was near and dear to your heart, Is near and dear to yours!”

 “ He loves to make us smile?” Doesn’t He? All the girls said at once! “ ‘He sure does,” squealed Mrs.S!

    The girls loved how the fluffy snow drifted from the night sky as the enjoyed the evening ice skating on the cold December night ! The moon glowed warmly as the stars seemed to rejoice of the beauty being spoke from their creator.

  Later when they went door to door in their community singing their favorite carols …. They again rejoiced knowing God had heard their prayers!

    The Christmas season had came and went…. The girls loved every celebration and tradition that celebrated the Birthday of the king.

     January and a New Year had quickly came…. Homeschooling has returned to its normal schedule! The cold January evening had lead to many nights playing with their favorite dolls and reading aloud their favorite A life of Faith story.

   The girls had not given up their hope for a a snow that would be like none they had ever expected!

     It was was on a Monday night after bedtime stories and prayers , When Mrs.S told the girls she had a very exciting announcement!

    All the girls sat straight up in their beds ! Sparkling eyes , hoping the news would be just what they had prayed for ! “ Is it snow Mrs.S?”

  “ Well I don’t know “ Mrs.S replied trying hard not to giggle!

  “ It may be…. How about you listen to this and you tell me!”

The girls sat up and listened excitedly to the weather forecast. Ellie squealed with delight as she asked, “ Did the weatherman just 8-12 inches of snow ?”

 “He sure did Ellie!” Mrs. S replied. “God has heard your prayers and is sending enough snow to build a snowman.” If I heard the forecast correctly the temperatures will remain below freezing for several days!” Mrs.S said. Before she could reply Natalie was jumping up out of the bed squealing. “ God has heard our prayers once again!” Caroline chimed in behind her “We are gonna get to build a snowman and go sledding!” Her blue eyes dances with excitement.

All the girls were so excited they had almost forgotten it was a school night and it was almost lights out for them. The giggled and made plans to set their alarm early because they did not want to miss a moment playing or watching the snowfall if the could help it!

    Fifteen minutes or so had passed and Mrs.S told the girls it was time for lights out and bedtime prayers,

   She reminded the girls that it was important for them to be sure to tell Jesus thank you for their answered prayer!

The girls all gathered hands taking turns saying their nightly prayers, Each one telling Jesus thank you for the gift of snow!

   The next morning the girls alarm went off at 7 am sharp. There was no hitting the snooze that morning. For the three girls and Mrs.S were anxious to look out the window to see God's masterpiece He had began painting in the wee hours of the morning!

  Samantha was the first to get to the living room picture window to pull back the heavy sage colored drapes. She gasped at the beauty that greeted her eyes. It was like the whole world had been painted white and kissed by fairies. The snow glistened like glitter in the light. The flakes that were still falling were fluffy like cotton balls that gathered on the things it rested on. “ I would guess there is about 7 inches already fallen’. Mrs.S said. I think God may send you more than you asked for girls. The weatherman said it will continue to snow through tomorrow morning!’ The girls squealed in excitement

  In honor of the answered prayer and the snow school was officially canceled and declared a snow day.

   The girls hurried through their breakfast to find their warmest clothes. They would each need their heavy coats, scarves, and mittens. They made a list of supplies they would need for their snowman. Caroline suggested that they set a bowl out for snow cream . It would make a very nice sweet treat after dinner this evening!

Then it hit Natalie, They had wanted to go sledding. Yet the girls had no sled! Her heart felt like it had landed in her stomach. She wanted nothing more than for this snow day to be the best ever. Before moving to Albemarle. Mrs.S had lived in the Nc Mountains.Ellie and Caroline had come to live with them just before the move. The three girls had know what fun snow could be. Samantha has never experienced the magic of a snow day. Natalie wanted her first to be magical. She sent up a quick prayer that Samantha wouldn't be disappointed. That they would not have a sled. Just as she said amen and opened her eyes Mrs.S returned from the garage. The girls hadn’t even noticed she had slipped out. When Natalie opened her eyes she heard Ellie let out a little squeal! “Mrs.S what an awesome sled!” Mrs.S its amazing, its an answered to prayer!” I want so much for Samantha’s first time playing in the snow to be magical and unforgettable”!

   Mrs.S smiled and held out the sled to the girls. “Well I hope it brings you girls as many happy memories as it did me when I was a little girl and would stay with my Mommaw. “When she passed away my Aunt had it sent to me. The  wooden sled was some of the very few happy memories from Mrs.S childhood.

          The girls swarmed around Mrs.S hugging her tight and almost  singing, “thank you for loving us.” “It’s my pleasure , I can not imagine my life any other way!’

   The afternoon was filled with adventure, the girls each built a snowman, took turns riding on the sled with one another, enjoyed warming up with cocoa, and a sweet treat of snow cream for dessert.

   As evening approached Natalie and Samantha looked out the kitchen window at the snow that was still falling.

Both girls thanked God for answered prayers and the best snow day ever. Neither could think of anything that would make their day any better. God had went far and beyond their prayer request and each girl felt more joy than ever before.The girls spent the rest of the evening playing dolls and planning how they would spend their next snow day!

  When bedtime came the girls had no complaints of lights out because today’s activities had worn each out. Each girl gathered hands and each gave thanks for the amazing day spent in the snow and for sending them Mrs.S to be their Mom.

   Just as prayers were ending Mrs.S’s phone rang a special ringtone, set for the agency to contact her when someone needed a home.

  Each girls eyes widened know that this may be the last night it may be just the three of them.

New Friends and Answered Prayers

A few months had passed since the snowy adventure for the A Life Of Faith Girls. When Mrs.S hung up the phone the expression on her face answered what their hearts knew. Their lives were not going to be a tea party for awhile but an adventure. Each sweet girl dropped their head and gathered hands to lift up a prayer for the woman they each had come to love as their own Mom!  Mrs. S had opened her home first for Natalie nine years ago. Since then she had been taking in girls that came from broken homes. mending their hearts and pointing their heart to Jesus so that He alone could mend the broken pieces.

  A few weeks after the call Mrs.S drove 4 1/2 hours to Beckley, West Virginia to pick up the young girl that the agency had called about.

A girl of the age of ten with dark brown eyes, freckles,  jet black hair and a bright purple streak , and side bangs. With a such a sad look in her eyes climbed out of the family mini van. She seemed so sad and lost. There was something different about her.

Mrs. S walked beside her and put her arms around her shoulder as she walked with the girl to meet the others on the front porch.

Each girl has chosen assignment to welcome her. Ellie and Caroline made a welcome home banner! Detailed with flowers and a butterfly for each girl. each signed their name and made a giant butterfly in honor of their new friend. Natalie and Samantha made cake with pink icing and piped welcome home on it.Each girl made sure her bed was made and a pretty comforter and a teddy bear with hearts  was placed on it to make sure she felt welcome. The girls knew the first few nights would be the hardest. they decided to hold hand and surround her bed and pray for her. They wanted nothing more for her to feel welcome and loved.

As Mrs. S got to the top of the steps the girls bellowed out Welcome to your new home! Each girl welcomed her with a smile and told their new friend their name. Mrs.S was so proud of each one of the girls!  She knew in her heart if each was honest today brought their own painful memories back to them! She was happy to know they were able to work through in order to bless some one else.

Mrs.S smiled with such pride and said " Girls this is Lillian and she will be with us permanently!" All though the girls were very excited to have a new sister they kept their joy in their hearts and welcomed her with smiles and each gave her a small hug to welcome her to her new home.

It was weeks before Lillian allowed herself to join in with the girls and open up. She stood back and watched from a far. She had been raised that Jesus was bad and she should never want to go to church or prayed to Him. For these reason that is why Mission Hope Girls Home was the choice for her to come to live. Her past would be hard to over come. However her foster parents knew in the right environment she would flourish and grow. She would be able to overcome the brokenness and live a beautiful life of love. 

Time would be the best medicine and lots of love.  after Lillian arrived Mrs. S

noticed that unless Lillian was looking at her or the other girls she didn't reply them when thy spoke to her.

 One afternoon the girls were outside playing kick ball and the ball rolled into the road and Lillian chased after it. She looked both ways before going into the road to retrieve it. She didn't hear Natalie calling to her. there was a motorcycle coming up the hill. When Lillian reached down to retrieve the ball she caught a glimpse of what Natalie could hear out of the corner of her eyes and moved just in the nick of time.

Natalie screamed and rushed to her new friend! "Lillian you scared me! Did you not hear that motorcycle coming up the hill?" Blushing deeply Lillian replied " No I didn't, if I hadn't seen it .... Well ... I could have been really hurt or even worse, Natalie! When I looked up I could see your mouth moving! I knew you were truing to warn me! Thank you so much, these last few months I have felt more love than I ever have before. Especially from you! I can not thank you enough, yet I can't help but wonder If I could have died today?" Lillian's eyes dropped to the ground. Natalie however wondered if her friend and sister in her heart was asking herself what would have happened to her if she had died. Natalie quickly lifted a prayer that Lillian would accept that Jesus loved her and wanted to live in her heart as He did hers. Mrs.S had asked the girls not to push the issue but to pray for Lillian. Pray they did every chance they got! All the girls were soon surrounding Lillian expressing their concern. Caroline spoke up and said " I think Mrs.S needs to know what just happened! Lillian I have noticed but I haven't said anything you don't hear us a lot. Are you having a hard time hearing us at times? Please don't be afraid to say anything, if you are we are all worried about you and we know you will tell us things when your ready." Lillian looked down at the ground and moved the gravel under her feet with her pink tennis shoes. She wiped her raven hair of her eyes. "Kinda, I mean I can normally read lips. That wasn't possible in this case though. It's been this way for as long as I can remember. My old teacher tried to get my parents to have a hearing screening. They never did so I always just stayed to myself. She did not even realize that tears were steaming down her face. Until she sniffled. "Why are you crying?" Ellie asked sweetly. " I think its because, I finally know what it feel like to have a real family!"

 All at once Lillian's four sisters wrapped their arms around her and hugged her tightly. Samantha looked up at her sister and said kinda weepy. " Now you know how I felt a little over a year ago! It truly only gets better from here! Come on I think we should let Mrs.S about what happened this afternoon!" " Your probably right lets go!" Lillian agreed.

The girls headed into the house each taking their shoes and jackets off leaving them in there cubbies in the mud room. The girls found Mrs. S in the kitchen humming her favorite hymn. As she peeled potato's for loaded baked potato soup for the families dinner. "Oh hi girls! I was about to call you ladies in to help get things ready for supper. Caroline will you set the table?" " yes ma`am"  Samantha could you pour everyone some sweet tea? "Yes Ma`am " "Ellie can you put the cornbread muffins in a bread basket and make sure we have butter on the table ?" "Yes ma`am  Natalie you and Lillian will have clean up duty tonight! " Yes ma`am Momma !" "Lillian did you hear me sweetie?" Lillian's back being turned didn't hear Mrs.S talking to her and didn't reply when spoken too. " Lillian" Mrs.S turned to realize what was going on when she was about to address the situation . She crossed the white tile kitchen floor and touch Lillian on the shoulder. " Lillian dear I think we may need to talk."  At those words tears rushed from her eyes! You don't want me do you? I am more than what you want to love and she rushed form the room. Mrs. S went to follow her to comfort the sweet girls she had grown to love as her own in such a short time! She would never dream of sending her away! "Mrs.S Let me go" said Samantha softly" I think I can help assure her that's not what you ment at all!" I think we can help you understand what brought this on today Momma!" Natalie chimed in! " Yeah" Caroline and Ellie said at once. The girls spent the next fifteen minutes or so telling  about the afternoons events, being sure not to leave out what Lillian had shared with her sisters. "Oh! I see" Mrs.S replied. I think I may should go reassure you sweet girls just confirmed what my heart already knew! I believe she is also beginning to  realize that Lillian was starting to realize that Jesus was actually wonderful and loves her more than she ever knew.

Mrs.S sent a a silent prayer up to her Heavenly Daddy, asking Him to guide her words and let them Lillian to Him somehow.

Mrs.S found Lillian curled up in a ball on her bed still still crying. Mrs.S knelt down beside her caressing her hair and began gently speaking. " Lillian I am so sorry you are so upset. I promise I was not upset with you! Your sisters told me about what happened outside today. I know that must have been very scary for you! I can not imagine not being able to hear all the beautiful voices and sounds around you. When I  told you we needed to talk, it was never going to be a talk about not wanting you! I love you Lillian and I want to be your forever Mom and family!" " Do you really mean that?" Lillian asked "I do with all of my heart! Would you like that Lillian?" Lillian's face softened and a smile broke out on her face . " More than anything in this world! I have never ever had someone love you the way you love and take care of me!" Lillian said in between cries of happiness. "Well now that we have decided your mine forever!" Mrs.S smiled. " I believe we need do need to talk about what happened outside today. Lillian why didn't you tell me you couldn't hear and you had been reading lips?" " It's normal for me! I have always  for as long as I can remember." "Well first thing in the morning we will call and make an appointment to see what is going on and see if we can get it fixed how about that?" Lillian just looked up at Mrs.S and gave her a smile and nodded in agreement. "Well my sweet girl if I know your sisters I bet supper is on the table waiting for us! What ya say... Wanna go eat ?"'Lets go' Lillian said and took Mrs.S and held her hand on the way to kitchen! At dinner Mrs. S told the girls she would be making Lillian a doctors appointment to see what is going on with her hearing ! She went on to share she would like all the girls to be praying that there is something to help her to hear better! All the girls agreed to do just that pray for healing! 

The girls readied for bed said their nightly prayers and quickly drifted to sleep. The  next morning was a gloomy grey rainy kind of day. Caroline was the first to wake. She stretched and made her way to the bathroom and readied herself for the morning. She made her way to the kitchen. She found Mrs.S at the table reading her Bible. Caroline smiled, she new it was like a old friend you met with each morning. She loved being the first to wake in the mornings. It ment she would have sometime with Mrs.S by herself before school. Mrs.S looked up and smiled brightly. "Good morning Caroline, did you sleep well?" "mmmhmm did you?" "I did thank you" answered Mrs.S. 
'"Its not like you to be up so early sweetie is everything Okay?" "It is... I have a question though.." " What is it sweetie?" " Well I was wondering if it was okay if I called you Mom instead of Mrs.S? I  have been with you since I was three and you the only Mom I have ever known! I am 7 now and I can't imagine ever calling anyone but you Mom!" Caroline looked up with Mrs.S with large tears rimming from her eyes. threatening to to spill at any moment!
Mrs.S Crying her own self pulled the long blonde hair girl into her arms and embraced her in a hug! " Caroline nothing would make me happier! I hope you know you are my daughter in my heart and always be, no matter what!" Mrs. S held the sweet girl in a long hug as she closed her eyes and prayed to her heavenly Daddy a short prayer of thanks for allowing her to have the most precious gift of a lifetime besides salvation! The gift of being Mom.   
"Would you like to help me with breakfast?" " I would love too, Mom" Caroling answered with so much love and joy in her voice. The morning went by quickly the the family had breakfast together Mrs.S made a appointment for Lillian for the next morning.
The girls settled around the school table. Their school mornings always began with devotion and prayer and this morning would be no different. Mrs.S read to the girls from the book of Joshua 1:9
have I not commanded you" Be strong and courageous . Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, For the Lord your God is with you where ever you go.
Mrs. S took time to talk to the girls about being scared of new things and when things seem scary. She reminded them their Daddy in heaven promised never ever to forget them. He will be with them always and protect them. He would use the things that the devil their enemy had tried to hurt them with to bring beauty and healing to someone else. She reminded the girls that when they hurt Jesus hurt too. He wants nothing more to heal the broken places of their heart and light them for Him so His light can shine.
Lillian listened to each word that was spoken for the first time she was truly curious of this Jesus Mrs.S and the other girls seemed to love with all of their hearts. when Mrs. S was finished with devotionals she asked all the girls if they had a prayer request all of the girls said in unison we need to pray for Lillian's ears that they can do something to help when she goes to the doctor. Mom Caroline asked " Didn't you teach us that Jesus is our healer and when 2 or more pray He is here with us?" If anyone noticed that Caroline has finally called Mrs.S Mom no one made a big deal about it on the outside. What she didn't know all her sisters except Lillian's heart exploded with joy. They knew healing had finally began and the wounds of her heart were becoming scars that didn't hurt as much anymore.
Mrs.S Responded with " I sure did ! His word also tells us to have faith! I have faith that He is going to help Lillian to hear again." Mrs.S made sure Lillian could see her lips as she talked! She wanted the sweet girl to know that they all loved her but Jesus loved her even more. She knew in her heart that only Jesus was going to be able to change her heart toward Him! She sure hoped it was soon so that her heart too could begin to heal.
All though Lillian held on to each word that was spoken. The words that were spoken to her over and over won out that day... 
That night as Mrs tucked each girl into bed. She kissed each girl good night and whispered in each girls ear a familiar verse. " For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
  2 Timothy 1:7." She reminded each girl that Jesus was with them as they slept, they were loved and safe. When she reached Lillian she recited the same verse and reminded her that she was safe now. Jesus was with her always and she just knew that the next day the doctor would have good news about her hearing. Lillian just looked deep in her eyes and and slightly grinned when she whispered goodnight!
The next morning Mrs.S woke the girls early so everyone could get ready for Lillian's appointment.
Mrs.S had promised the girls lunch at their favorite burger joint with shakes all around to celebrate the good news they anticipated. 

The office was decorated in bright cheerful colors. their was toys in the waiting room. Lillian was nervous she had never really seen a doctor and wasn't sure what to expect.
As the other girls gathered around a table of puzzles laughing and having a good time.
Lillian hung back and sat nervously beside of Mrs.S.
About fifteen minutes and Lillian's name was called by a blonde haired nurse with the kindest eyes.
Mrs.S took her hand and gave her a lil squeeze before kneeling down beside her to reassure her everything was going to be okay.
The nurse measured Lillian's height, weighed her and checked her eyes/ it was son made aware that not only Lillian's ears were a concern. She failed her eye exam as well.
It was becoming clear there was more to her story than most knew ... The appointment led to two more appointments. Lillian would see a ophthalmologist and a ear, nose, and throat doctor. Her hearing was worse than expected and would need a specialist opinion on what could be done. The pediatrician assured Lillian they would get her the best help there was to help her to see and hear! Lillian left the office with tears streaming down her face left wondering why a Jesus who was suppose to love her so very much had allowed so many things she didn't understand happen.
Mrs.S tried very hard to cheer Lillian up on their way to the restaurant! Reminding her no matter what was before them they would get through this together and Jesus would be with them every step of the way! 
Lillian looked at her with tears streaming down her cheeks and asked " The same way He has been up till now?"
Mrs.S assured her He was and he was going to make things better just wait and see! She silently prayed that God would give her and the other girls the words to say to reach Lillian and lead her to Him...
As she watched the girls at the restaurant gather around their new sister and try to cheer her up by telling her how cute she is going to be in her new glasses. Mrs.S thought to herself how blessed she had been to watch God gently heal the broken pieces of the beautiful girls that called themselves the A Life of Faith girls.... She wondered what it was going to take to lead the newest member to that  same beautiful faith and gift of salvation. So true healing can begin..... 

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